Subtle Glow

Valentine’s day is generally one of those days that I don’t pay much mind. Overall it’s usually filled with too much sappy hearts and lovesick poetry. GAG.

I’ll admit - I would LOVE to have flowers delivered to me at work. It doesn’t have to be roses. It doesn’t have to be a huge arrangement. It most definitely doesn’t have to be on Valentine’s Day. The sender doesn’t even have to sign the card, in fact it’s more fun if they don’t. It might be stupid, but it’s just one of the girly thrills in life that I allow myself to want. I don’t do that a lot, so just let me have my little thrill, ok?

Anyway. It’s funny how little things like v-day can take on a whole different meaning when you are a parent. In fact it is one of the best things in my mind about being a parent. You get to start all over with holidays and special occasions, because you get to see them through fresh eyes and new experiences. Plus, now you are the boss and you get to make up any traditions you want to have. Chocolate for dinner on v-day - APPROVED!! Pie for dessert - OK! Ok, so we didn’t really have chocolate for dinner. But we so could have if we wanted to.

As I drove the kiddo to school this morning, we had an interesting little exchange. It went something like this:

Kiddo: “Mom, I know who I am going to give the purple valentine.”
Me: “Oh really? Who?”
K: “T____”
M: “Oh? Is she kind of like your sweetheart?”
K: *face reddens* “what?”
M: “You know - is she kind of special to you?”
K: “Yes. But now I’m embarassed.”

I’ve heard about this little girl before. She’s the one he likes to sit behind and play with her hair when he is supposed to be paying attention in class. Which I learned about in his parent/teacher conference this year. So, you know, her name tends to come up a lot around the house.

How sweet is that, though? It just melts my heart I tell you.

My heart is not usually the melty kind, but - that child of mine can do it. He amazes me with how willingly he gives his heart. He still has the innocence and trust to be able to do that. He loves without question - it would never occur to him to do anything else.

It sometimes surprises me to also realize how much I can learn just by watching the way my own child views the world. At the same time, he looks to me for love and guidance and security, sometimes I am reminded how small he is to the world, in the most simple ways.

Take for example, his first day of school. He eagerly awaited this day, and bravely walked with me through the newly-constructed campus. He was excited, and yet a little nervous, and somewhat overwhelmed with this new place. As we made our way to his classroom, one of the construction workers passed by on his way to finish a few last-minute things around the school.

“Mom - do you think that’s him?” he asked me. I had been lost in my own thoughts and didn’t really know what he meant.

“Him who, sweetie?”

“Bob the Builder.” Because, of course - Bob the Builder did all of the construction for all things. Of course.

It struck me right then, how bittersweet it was that here he was tackling one of the big milestones in life - the first day of kindergarten - and yet he was still so little. He was crossing that invisible void between his toddler years, to a school-aged child - the rift between Blues Clues and Yu-Gi-Oh. He didn’t realize any of that, but I did. He just innocently moved forward, step after step, ready to meet whatever new things were there to greet him that day.

So here we are in the last half of first grade. He’s got a crush on a girl in his class. He wants to give her a special valentine. And he couldn’t wait to get up this morning and surprise me with my valentine. He will still give me kisses in front of his friends. I spent the whole day thinking how sweet that was.

The notion of Valentine’s day is one of romantic love. But I think there’s a bigger piece that they’re missing. Look into the face of a child who loves you, and the world becomes a better place. The future looks brighter, because you can see the hope in that child’s future. You can see the possibilities stretched out ahead of you.

So tonight we’re going to have a couple slices of hot apple pie, with vanilla ice cream on top. To my kiddo - I love you. You have my heart little dude. Thanks for showing me what it’s all about.