Nightmares.
First - can you have a panic attack in your sleep? Do you think that would trigger a nightmare, or the other way around?
I had trouble getting to sleep last night, I was so tired but every time I started to drift off my arm or my leg would jump and I would wake up. Once I fell asleep I had a nightmare -
I was in an old (building or house, not sure) but I was in the attic or top floor. I’ve never seen this place in real life but I’ve been here before in dreams, and it wasn’t good then either. When I realized where I was the fear started setting in. I could see that there was a wooden deck outside, and it was in perfect condition. It overlooked a body of calm, brilliant blue water. But turning around to face the house showed it was either in extreme disrepair or renovation - it wasn’t clear which. Outside, the sun was shining and the sky was clear. Inside it was dark, cold, and forbidding.
In the dream, I went into the bathroom and tried to turn on the light. The switch wouldn’t work. I flipped it on and off two or three times. I started to panic, and stepped through a doorway on the other side of the bathroom (to the shower?) and flipped that switch on and off and it wouldn’t work either. I panicked more, telling myself I have to find some light - I am afraid of the dark and I have to get out of here.
I left the bathroom and I could sense something coming up behind me, from overhead. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. When it finally passed over me, it jumped down and landed on the couch. It was a cat (but not my cat), and I was so pissed off at it for scaring me, thinking to myself that I KNEW it was going to be a cat. Stupid cat.
As I shooed it away I woke up.
Once I was awake, I was out of breath, heart pounding, my jaw was clenched shut and my hands were numb. I felt like I had been holding my breath.
I tend to work things out in my sleep. Sometimes when I’m not sure what the answer is to a problem I will dream the answer.
When I was younger, I would sleepwalk and talk in my sleep - but usually only when I was under extreme stress (which was a lot back then). I have always been very perceptive and intuitive when it comes to the feelings of people around me - I could always sense the mood my mother was in when she came home from work at night, without even seeing her face. Sometimes those perceptions show up while I’m sleeping as well.
I don’t know what the little details of the dream mean, but overall it’s obvious to me that I’m struggling to understand or make sense of something, judging by the fumbling through the dark and frantically flipping the light switches, looking for light. I’m pretty sure I knew exactly what the “something” is, too. Yesterday’s news about Emma stuck with me, and it was on my mind when I went to sleep last night.
