Subtle Glow

Did you watch Lost last Wednesday? Claire went into labor and had her baby. At one point, she is determined that she just “can’t have the baby now.” My friend, who doesn’t watch the show regularly, wanted to know why she kept saying she didn’t want to have the baby.

When I was pregnant with my son, I never really thought much about what came AFTER the pregnancy. Namely, you know, the whole labor and then birthing part. I was pretty much caught up in the here and now. A total “Your baby week-by-week” sort of momentum. I knew at some point I would have to deal with it, but - well I just didn’t want to think about it. Not right then anyway, because the chapter that week talked about how my baby had arm buds finally. And really, that is so far away from birth, so let’s wait until we get to THAT chapter, shall we?

Week-by-week was manageable for me. One week, it was time to schedule or sign up for birthing classes. A few weeks later, it was time for us to actually go to the classes.

So, we went, pillows in hand. Really, what could be so bad about it if there were pillows there? Not just any pillows, but our very own - the same comforting pillows we snuggled up to every night.

The first couple weeks of class were great. We got to know a few other couples who were due around the same time. Plus - there were cookies there! And juice and muffins, too. Hey, even the movies weren’t THAT bad. This birthing thing was all cookies and juice, man. I can SO do this.

Then, one week, there was “The Demonstration.” The Demonstration involved - I kid you not - the skeleton (skeleton = DEAD bones!) of a pelvis, and a doll.

The instructor stood in front of our semi-circle arranged, fluffy-pillows from home padded chairs. She held the pelvis (bones!) in front of her own pelvis, and then walked us through each stage of labor and birth with the doll.

The first five minutes were ok. Yeah, ok I get it - the baby drops through there, then goes through the other side.

The next hour and a half 15 minutes seemed to drag on endlessly. I was starting to get a little light-headed from the details. Oh, wow. I was feeling REALLY dizzy. I needed to lay down. NOW. Or, at least put my head between my knees. Only - I’m in this room full of people and uhh - yeah have you ever seen a seven and a half month pregnant woman TRY to tie her shoes? Much less put my fucking head between my knees.

After that I don’t know what the instructor said. It was all lost in the tunnel-like hearing, and the slow creep of grey fog across my vision. I managed to tell my husband that I think I needed some juice - while trying to stay calm and unnoticed by the rest of the class.

I do remember the instructor commenting that I had turned completely white - and did I need anything?

“uhhhm, just a little juice I think. I’m just a little dizzy.”

I don’t remember much but somehow I made it through the class. Some people worried it might be pre-term labor. Others noted the possibility that I might be dehydrated.

I really don’t think there was a medical cause for it. Honestly, I can relate to Claire’s emphatic statements of “I can’t have the baby right now.” The realization hit her as suddenly as it hit me that night in class.

The realization of this: The person, right here in my oh so NOT small belly, somehow has to make its way out of what I suddenly remembered was my OH SO NOT LARGE VAGINA.