Subtle Glow

Things like the fact that no matter what time it gets here, I am never ready to get up in the morning.

I’ve always wondered what it’s like, for those “morning people” people. It sounds like it would be really nice. I try to imagine what it would be like if I were a morning person. I would wake up - without an alarm - and casually slip out of bed to start the day. I might make myself something warm to drink, and as I sat and sipped it, I would think how nice it was, to be up early, enjoying the quiet and slowly entering the day while everyone else was still asleep. I’d spend some time writing, and then think about what I’d like to wear that day, and how good the warm mug felt in my hands. Eventually, I would finish my cuppa and head off to a nice warm shower.

I can say that my morning shower is to me what I imagine other people’s morning worship is to them. It is by far the best part of my day. Like a great orgasm - I refuse to rush it. Some parts of my morning routine can be skipped in the interest of saving time. Makeup, for one. It’s the last part of my routine and if I’m short on time I’ll settle for a bit of powder, brow pencil and a swish of mascara. But, the shower… it’s sacred. There isn’t any one part of it that gets skipped, no matter HOW late I am. The day can just wait - there is no consequence harsh enough to warrant me even THINKING, “Shower? I guess I’ll have to skip it today.” More like, “Darn, guess I’m going to be late.”

So, I can imagine how nice it would be to start the day off slowly. Such a nice thought.

No matter how hard I try, however, those nice thoughts are vapor the second the alarm goes off in the morning. I have to have an alarm, because otherwise I would sleep until at least 7am every day, if not even later than that.

I also have to hit snooze at least twice. I don’t remember hitting it more than that this morning, although it went off at 5:30 and the next thing I knew it was after 6. The math doesn’t lie - my subconcious has a way of saying “Fuck You” to the morning hours, whether I like it or not.

There have been mornings that even my conscious mouth has said “Fuck You” to the alarm clock. I have it set to my regular radio station, but I’m starting to re-think punk music and the like for wake-up music. Then again, it probably doesn’t matter what it is that wakes me up - I’m just not going to like it and that’s all there is to it.

You know what would be a great way to wake up every day? A nice warm body next to me, a little bit of rubbing on my back and playing with my hair. mmmmmmmm. Good morning.

But damn, that’s right… I don’t have that. So then we’re back to the whole ‘mornings suck’ thing aren’t we? Ha ha. I just hadda have my independence, didn’t I? I knew there would be some backlash for that.

I’ve tried going to bed earlier, too. It doesn’t help much. It basically means that I can remember the 5 times I hit snooze, and maybe rolling out of bed 15 mintues earlier. So for every hour earlier I go to bed… I gain 15 mintues in the morning. In order to get up when my alarm goes off the first time… I would have to go to bed at 7pm. What the? I do my best drinking thinking between 8 and 10 at night. Or, watching tv. Something like that.

Like all things in life, you just have to learn to accept that some things will never change. For me - I have to accept that I will never be a morning person. My day likes to start (and by start I mean fully showered and dressed) around 9am. So much more of a civilized hour to begin the day if you ask me.