Subtle Glow

Someone posted this link {link removed - no longer active}, and asked for reactions…

*Edit: Unfortunately the link is no longer valid, but it was an entry discussing the merits of having a Breadwinners’ Day since so many holidays are centered around women and the requirement of men to buy gifts, card, flowers, etc.*
There were some great points made on that thread, and it was nice to see the discussion develop, even through certain points of respectful disagreement between a couple of the members.

I figured it would serve well as blog fodder, so here is part of my response. I have added, subtracted, and edited parts - mostly because I didn’t want to go on and on in the forum. Dude, I have a blog for that.

Quote:

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Men are bombarded with Hallmark moments tailor-made for our erstwhile supporting roles: Mothers Day, Valentines Day, anniversaries. After working 40-60 hours a week, the poor dears are still expected to pony up with cards, flowers, candy, and jewelry.

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Most women do at least 40-60 hours worth of work during any given week - whether they work inside or outside of the home. And what are they expected to “pony up” and do? Even more cooking, cleaning, childrearing - including doctor’s appointments, dental appointments, parent conferences, time off to care for sick children, etc. and so forth.

As for Mother’s Day, anniversaries, and Valentine’s day - There is also Father’s Day… I suppose it could be instead of Breadwinner’s Day. Although in my house - *I* am the breadwinner. More specifically, I am the sole source of income for the household. And just a quick sidenote here - I think the idea of Breadwinner’s Day is stupid. If you have one source of income for the household - why is the earner more celebrated and valued than the person staying home and raising the family and tending the home? Both aspects are important and deserve equal respect and appreciation. Unfortunately our capitalist society, wrought with materialism tells us that money is the measure of ultimate success. Having a Breadwinner’s Day just puts more fuel to the fires of the Caveman Syndrome (I work, therefore I rule. You woman - you serve. ungh!) Are you fucking kidding me??

Back to the topic: Last I checked men were still celebrated on their anniversaries. I might agree on Valentine’s day - although it’s easily argued as Hallmark’s “Most Successful Marketing Ploy of All Time.” hehe.

True - most marketing is geared toward having men spend money on women for these occasions. Was that a directive issued from feminists? No. It’s marketing, actually, and it’s based on age-old conceptions and historical connotations of what “proper” roles for each gender are “supposed” to be. Which, I believe is what feminists are decidedly AGAINST - roles based on gender and not ability.

The “pamper yourself” marketing stems from the reality that I mentioned earlier - yes woman have more access and mobility with regard to choices in family, career, etc but there is still a large proportion that is expected to maintain the stereotypical roles, simply because they are women/wives/mothers. Finding the balance is difficult, and there is a lot of pressure on women to be able to “do it all” and that is stressful. As a single parent, I would know. I missed where taking time for yourself is supposed to be a problem. Because no one markets this to men? It works the same for men actually, they are pressured to maintain their acceptable roles as well - I don’t want to leave them out of this, either. Which means they are pressured not to be like women - the lesser sex apparantly.

I don’t think that feminists devalue a woman staying at home, but rather try to kick the notion that the society and culture that pressures gender-based roles as “the norm” by which we must judge all other choices. They reject the idea that choosing to do otherwise makes you LESS of a woman, and therefore less of a valuable PERSON.

I don’t want to be treated as if I were a man - that’s not the sort of equality I’m looking for. I just don’t want to be treated as less of a PERSON, because I’m not a man. And yet I’m loathe to describe myself as a feminist - because there are the extremists who do just male-bash, and try to paint everything having to do with men as oppressive and evil. I just don’t subscribe to the extremes. But I do try to recognize there’s more to it that the extremes, in fact the more meaty part of this issue is very subtly hidden in the in-between.

Often, the standard of what’s normal/reasonable is cloaked as that of a normal/reasonable person, and yet it’s application is that of a normal/reasonable MAN.

We may never settle on any of this in any of our lifetimes, but it’s interesting stuff to consider.