Subtle Glow

Ok, Internet. I am going to write about work now.

Although, not so much about where I work, or even what I do at work, or anyone else at work. Just the general sense of worry I have since the first week I started - Basically I worry every single day that I am going to get fired.

Now, I ask you, wise Internet: Is that reasonable? I think not.

I mean, yes, I am still getting used to things there. My co-worker is not overly friendly - and I actually think of that as A Good Thing. Plus - I didn’t lie on my resume, and I didn’t lie during the interview. I even told the truth when asked about my current salary. I KNOW!! They interviewed me - twice - and still made me an offer and then hired me. Me!

So why then, do I spend the majority of each day worrying that sooner rather than later they are going to pull me aside and tell me, “Sorry, but we’ve made a mistake. We don’t think this will work out after all.”

I’ve gone as far as wondering how much I would get for unemployment, and could I manage with NO savings and LOTS of bills and maybe even soon a new car payment.

Every hushed meeting in the department manager’s cube is cause for me to subtly lower the volume on my radio and strain to hear if they are talking about me and how disappointed they are and whether they’ve tried to find out from HR if there would be any problem with letting me go.

Seriously, do I need to go back on my meds? Because part of me feels like this is a very big and real possibility, and the other wants to smack that part and tell it to get back to work.