Subtle Glow

I can’t bring myself to write. I have plenty to write about, but nothing I’m ready to say.

I’ve made a choice for myself, something I can’t readily admit I suppose. And yet I find myself telling one friend, then two, then my mom, and waiting for one of them to say to me the same things that I’ve told myself. Ugly and hateful things.

I suppose in some ways I’m testing them. I keep reaching out, waiting for someone to tell me that I only deserve to be alone. Because that’s how I feel inside. So alone. This is why I cry myself to sleep at night.
Instead, I’ve only been met with unwavering support. I suppose I’ve chosen carefully when deciding who to tell. Or maybe I just don’t realize how many people will love and support me no matter what.

I hope that someday I can be as gentle and loving to myself as others are to me.