Make a choice.
So far, today kind of sucks. I don’t know why exactly.
Maybe, it’s because I walked in this morning and it’s been nothing but one minor blip after another.
Maybe it’s the voicemail that I got from my supervisor, who is out of the office btw, with the bitchy, condescending, confrontational tone that she has slipped back into using lately. The one that makes my whole body want to say the word “Fuck” of some sort or another. God dammit, stop being so antagonistic. It immediately puts me on the defensive and it’s getting old. I don’t want to live this way. Stop talking down to me. Stop asking accusatory questions. You can seek information without being an ass about it.
Maybe it’s the weird vibe that settled over me last night, just before going to sleep. The one B picked up on. The one that when I glanced at the clock I just knew getting in to it at 1:00am plus wasn’t going to be a good thing.
Maybe it’s the realization on my way in this morning, regarding the weird vibe, that I want to know:
- Where is this going?
- Are you in or out?
- Because, I don’t want to be blunt or rude, but things you say and things you do give me hope that maybe you are In, and then out of nowhere I get the sense that you are Out.
- You know how I feel, and that means I am All In. So if you are not In, why do you speak and act as if you are?
More specifically, one day you speak in future-tense about us, and then last night you are suddenly referencing things in a past-tense.
As if they were over, or will be very soon.
I have been patient. I have not pressured.
I am still waiting for an answer.
Which is it? If you can’t decide then I know I have to, and if you’re not willing to be a part of what I decide I want and need from you, then I need to go back to being on my own.
It’s the not knowing. The indecision. The in-between. I will be ok either way, but I need to know which it is.
If you are In, then I need you to be ALL In. No more hiding, no more denying. I want everything you are willing and able to give. Everything you know I deserve.
Is there something causing you to hesitate? Do you trust me? Do you know that I would never do anything to disrespect you, or have you doubt me?
That’s the “vibe” and that’s what’s on my mind. We have established that it’s not a question of ability, but one of willingness.
You know what I am willing and able to do. What are you willing to bring to this?
