Subtle Glow

I randomly came across a link titled, “How To Have a Successful Day of Shopping.”

I like shopping, and hey - I like success, too. I clicked the link.

The first few tips were not bad… plan it out, shop smart, etc.

When I reached this point, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What the… ?”

Pack a bag, purse, or fanny pack the night before that include your list, a map, a water bottle, some snacks, some emergency cash, a credit card and ATM card, a cell phone or coins for a pay phone or a phone card, and a positive attitude! It is better to be more prepared than to be left in an unsafe/undesirable situation. Also, keep in mind that you might not be able to bring your tote into the store, so make sure you keep valuables (money, phone card, etc.) in a safe, next-to-body layer. This will additionally help prevent theft.

Can I ask… where the hell are you going to be shopping? Cleveland National Forest? I mean, seriously. “Pack a fanny pack the night before” - Seriously? Also, I just snorted a little bit about “fanny” pack. Who carries a fanny pack anymore? Not to mention the British translation for fanny. heh. Be careful what you pack in there!!! har har.

Let me break it down for you:

How to REALLY have a successful day of shopping:

1. Go to a store like Target (Wal-mart, Costco, Barnes & Noble, whatever) where you can browse around at all kinds of stuff.

2. When you spot an item that is either shiny, nicely-packaged, or remotely related to either office supplies, organization for home, office, kitchen, bathroom, etc. or NEW! FANCY! cleaning supplies (because I swear my house would be cleaner if I had just the right new! fancy! cleaners, regardless of how likely I am to actually USE them once I get home) or anything else that strikes your interest.

3. Take said item and place in cart.

4. Stock up on paper products while you’re here (paper towels, plates, might as well grab toilet paper, too). Go ahead and get another box of tampons - like toilet paper, it’s better to have an overstock, kwim?

5. Go through checkout line, pay for items, go home.

6. Admire shiny pretty items as you put them away. Particularly the cleaning products - it will be awhile before you see them again, what with all the successful shopping you will be doing.

That’s it! Successful shopping, without the aid of any fanny packs.