Compulsive
Current compulsive behaviors that are seriously annoying me:
Chewing my lips. I bite the inside of my lips. I actually bite off pieces of my lip. I cannot seem to stop doing this. I’ve done it longer than I can remember. Seriously it was easier to give up smoking after five years. I have told myself no less than 20 times already today: “Don’t bite your lips.” Even better? It’s my mom’s voice in my head saying it - I can remember hearing this from at least 5 years of age.
Chewing my cuticles. Trust me, I find this completely disgusting. I would very much like to get my hands out of my mouth once and for all. I managed to stop biting my nails at some point, which I also did from a very young age. I can remember my parents (and that’s plural so I know I was LESS than 5 years old) painting that bitter polish on there to keep me from biting. At first, it deterred me, for approximately 5 minutes. Then, it just became kind of like “flavor.” YUM. Now, instead of biting my nails I pick at and bite the sides. Any flake of skin or dried cuticle gets picked at until it’s long enough to bite off. I cannot stand this. If I were aware of it, I would stop it. But it seems that I’m doing fine, going about my day and the next thing you know I have a bleeding cuticle because I’ve been fucking chewing it again! I’ve tried acrylic nails (wonderful for the first two weeks of a new set ONLY and eventually bit those off, too, once they start chipping along the cuticles), and regular manicures (I have the polished chipped and peeling within 24 hours). I can’t afford to go every 4 days, exactly what I figure it would require in order to work.
Checking traffic. I’m not even going anywhere! For hours! It can be 11pm and before I can stop myself I’m clicking the link to check traffic.
Make the insanity stop, already.
