Subtle Glow

Sheryl from Paper Napkin wrote an entry today and asked for responses.  I started to leave a comment, but then it grew and grew, so I just decided to make it into a whole entry of its own.

I have some of the same concerns - I struggle to keep my weight in a healthy range, and I try to emphasize my desire to be HEALTHY rather than thinner.

That said, I feel lucky that my kiddo does not have a weight issue at all, though making healthy food choices is an area of struggle.  He’s also not a picky eater, so fruits and vegetables don’t have to be hidden in cheese sauce in order to be eaten.

I don’t do fast food.  If it has a drive-thru - we typically will not eat there.  From time to time it’s either that or go hungry, but I would say in the last year we’ve hit a drive-thru less than 5 times.

I don’t buy junk food snacks.  Goldfish is about as crazy as I’ll get - and even then I prefer the low-sodium variety.  Cookies, candy, ice cream, chips and sodas don’t make the regular grocery list.

I buy low-sugar alternatives for things like flavored oatmeal and orange juice.  It’s not that WE aren’t allowed to eat it, it just helps to keep the amount we do eat closer to the “sparingly” and “seldom” frequency.  We have proven over time that if it’s in the house - we will eat it with little portion control involved.

I allow carte blanche when it comes to the produce section - any kind of crazy fruit or veggie you want to try.  He loves mango, and it was his idea to make something with eggplant.

It’s not a perfect solution - if he has the option of adding fries to a cheeseburger while we’re out, he’ll take it.  But again those are rare instances when we eat out.

Sadly, one of the hardest parts is what they serve at school for lunch.  I’ve tried sending him with a lunch but he wants to eat the hot lunch… and frankly IMO it’s a lot of crap food.  Corndogs, pizza, etc.

The best I can do is try to drill the message about healthy habits at home and hope that later in life they stick.  It’s somewhat easy now because he doesn’t have a weight problem.  I’m more worried about what happens if he ever does - I won’t have the necessary skills to get him back on track.  I base this on my own struggles to keep my weight in check.  It seems to be a lot harder to come back from that than it does to prevent it.  I’m getting there, but I would like to help him avoid that if I can.
He plays hard at school, and runs around plenty during that time, but when we’re home things are way more sedentary than what I prefer.  I can come up with excuses, but the fact remains that he and I both spend more time in front of a computer or tv or video game than is healthy.  I’m working to change that, and it’s a tough habit to break.

It’s inevitable. When people find out you gave notice to your current employer - everything you do is now labeled. You get the fabulous label of “short timer.”

Since I started working here, I have pretty much the same routine. I come in between 7 and 7:30, work until 4:30 and go home. Most days I don’t leave my desk to take lunch. So, roughly 9-ish hours or so a day. What’s ridiculous is that now I come in anywhere from 7 - 8:30, work until 4:30 and go home, still rarely leaving my desk for lunch. So roughly 8 hours or so a day. I’m still called a short-timer.

Examples: I had friends over to my house last weekend, where we ate about 1/8 of a cake. I brought the other 7/8 in to share with my co-workers. “Someone is happy they are leaving. Short timer!” Walking down the hall grimacing because I waited too long to pee: “Oh! Someone’s got a smile on their face. Short timer!” Had an early appointment causing me to miss a meeting: “Skipping meetings now? Short timer!” Stopped and got a coffee on the way in: Short timer!

I don’t know why it’s so important to me to prove that I’m not like that. I view each day as a work day, and even though two weeks from now my work day will be somewhere else I’m still here working today.

Then I tell myself if I’m going to be called and considered a short-timer no matter what I do (see above examples) so I might as well go ahead and be one. Last night I decided screw it. So, I set my alarm for 5:30 instead of 5:00am. I am feeling all kah-razy and shit. I might even go out for my lunch hour and still leave at 4:30 today…

Kah-razy like a short timer!

Ok, now that everyone who needs to know has been told, I can tell you!

I have accepted an offer for a new job. Woohoo!!! I start in about two weeks. I got the offer last Friday - which you may remember was the day we had to go play volleyball. Can I just tell you how so super fun that was?! No, wait - I’m being serious! I had a great time! Not just because I had that Fun Fact in my back pocket, either.

So, the new gig is very exciting and I’m hoping that it turns out to be all it’s cracked up to be. I’m going to be in over my head for a little while, because the system is different than what I’ve been working with for the last several years. But, just similar enough that I think I’ll catch on quickly.

Also cool: NO MORE COMMUTE. I am seriously 15 minutes from home, on side streets, because I don’t even have to take a freeway if I don’t want to. SWEET!

Even more awesomer: comes with a nice chunky raise… and a signing bonus! Who me? Seriously? WOW.

I sort of chickened out when it came time to hand in my notice. I guess you can call it “taking the high road” or “staying professional” and neither of those are bad things, but you know once in awhile it would be a teeny bit satisfying to call someone out directly on their bullshit. Especially when it’s a boss-type person, ya know?

But I had plenty of other motivations involved in this decision, that when the time came it just seemed so petty and dumb to try and slip “You’re a boogerhead!” in to the conversation.
That is my news. Yay me!*

*I’m also hoping my ‘good job juju’ is channeling toward another certain someone that I know who could really use it right now. I will write more about it later.

That test post was me just moving some stuff around on the domain/hosting side of things.  I totally forgot I posted it.

Looks like it’s working - links, archives, etc. but if you see anything really weird let me know.

test post. 

So today our department is headed out to the beach to play volleyball.

Generally, I wouldn’t describe myself as anti-social but I do have definite a-social tendencies. My immediate reaction to going was “No, thanks - not interested.” This is not an uncommon reaction from me to the thought of a social gathering.

But, in the end I decided it would probably be fun. Also, if it totally sucked I would just go home. Easy. This is the tactic I often use to get myself out of the house, and my comfort zone, and BE SOCIAL for fuck’s sake.

This is an annual outing for the department, and part of the fanfare is the trash talking that gets thrown around beforehand. I’m not really into that part. I’m a decent enough volleyball player and I have a definite competitive streak but I just find it kind of… dickish? (yes, that’s the word) to go around posturing in the days leading up to the event. It reminds me too much of WWF - which in the end is a dumbed-down version of a play. A really sucky play, but my point is that it’s all loosely scripted so the pre-game trash talk and grandstanding just sounds so lame. Mostly I just think there’s no need - if you’re that awesome then I guess we’ll see that when we’re out there playing.

Meanwhile I’m still convincing myself that it will actually be fun. I admit, it was difficult to hide my rolling eyes and stifle my “wtf ever” under my breath as others came strolling through the aisle with their mouths running this morning. Also, I gave a Face and a little bit of a middle finger to someone this morning when he asked if I would be able to serve the ball over the net.

I’m sure it will be fun, though. Don’t you think?

What I really want to do is go home, curl up on the couch, and catch up on the new fall premieres that I seemed to have missed in the last two weeks.  Except, tonight is a whole new slew of fall premieres (HELLO Grey’s Anatomy, and The Office).  What’s a girl to do?

The Fall TV season used to be for me what the Superbowl is to a lot of chip-dip-and-buffalo-wing-eating, commercial-watching people across the country.  I counted down the days until the first new show aired, and from there it was like a locomotive picking up speed as new shows and old favorites made their way into my channel line-up little heart.

Oh TV, I miss you.

The way I see it, I *have* to watch at least those two shows tonight, and catch up on the rest by the end of the weekend.  If I don’t, then very soon I won’t have the comfort and security of thinking - eh, let the DVR get it, I’ll catch it later.  Must make room on the DVR!

It’s like my email inbox:  I cannot stand to have it cluttered and under no circumstances are there to be unread messages in there.  I’m just obsessive-compulsive particular like that.

I’ve hit a period of blah that I attribute to running seemingly non-stop for the last three months. I’ve hit the proverbial wall, and my blog? Oh, how she suffers.

I’m annoyed with myself. Because I have so many thoughts chasing around my brain, and the ones I can talk about here are ones I don’t want to because OH. The bitching I can do. Make. It. Stop.

I’m doing you a favor. Seriously.

What I can tell you about, that also doesn’t fall under the category of bitching (in fact quite the opposite) is that I am now two sizes smaller than I used to be, and only one size larger than I used to be. Actually I’m 3 sizes larger than my smallest ever size but - seriously? Who am I kidding? I didn’t get that small through HEALTHY means, that’s for sure. And I’m not about to start smoking again, or doing anything else that allowed me to exist on diet coke and gum all day long every day.

So, cool, right? Yeah.

Other not-bitching thoughts: I’m starting to feel more at home in my new place. It’s coming together. Last night I arranged the garage so that it doesn’t look like someone just unloaded random items out of the moving truck and threw them in the garage, which is exactly what they did. I am now the owner of my very own drill, which I used to install a curtain rod over the laundry area. I had to remove the doors because the stupid fucking gas connector makes the dryer stick out too far to close the doors. No problem! No bitching here! Just bitch about it and then get so frustrated I even cried a little bit hang a curtain and move on! It is O.K.

With the garage sorted out, I was able to move a few boxes of stuff I had hanging around the house out there, freeing up more space in the house. After a little more organizing, I have it almost all either unpacked and put away or otherwise taken care of. It’s looking good! So nice to see areas that were previously full of crap now empty and spacious. I love it.

Hey I was just wondering something:  Why do people ask for input and then argue with the answer given?  If you don’t think I know what I’m talking about - why are you asking me?

What? Who wrote that other entry?

Oh, right. That was me. I think it was supposed to say something along the lines of HI! I almost went a whole 24 hours without my computer and internet. I had to consume an entire bottle of champagne in order to numb myself from the withdrawal! It was the only way to brave unpacking yet another box of the day in order to put my computer back together.

Come to think of it, I don’t know if I was trying to numb the withdrawal or convince myself to unpack the computer stuff.

Anyway.

So, yes I am all moved in, and I have shitloads of boxes and random piles of crap to unpack and put away. The main areas of the house have all their essentials, which leaves me wondering what the heck is all the rest of this crap?

The new place is pretty cool. I’m a bit peeved, though. They didn’t paint. Oh wait… they touched up the paint where it really needed it. Except, um, you know - the rest of the wall that really needed it.

Now, I’m not a painter - in the artistic sense or in the day to day professional sense. But it seems to me that touch up paint, should in fact touch up the existing paint to hid minor flaws and scuffs that happen during normal day to day living. In order to do that, wouldn’t the touch up paint need to match the original color paint?

Examples:

Also… Nice:

They want me to list the areas that need further painting and highlight the areas that need immediate improvement. My list is short - only two items! But I had to highlight them both:

• All Rooms
• All Walls

Honestly I’m not all that upset by it. For the most part it’s fine, but hey it makes a whole topic for blogging.  The areas where the paint is mismatched are small.  I’ll just paint it my own self, in colors I want (as in: white! all matching!).  The towel racks are the ugliest, cheapest towel racks ever so one by one I’ll probably replace those as well.

Saturday my new washer and dryer will be delivered and hopefully I can avoid the dreaded laundromat trip (I am such a snob).  I have enough clothes to last a week but have been handwashing my bras…  so colonial!

Remember this entry where I talked about having to give up my cat? We dropped her off at her new home last night.  I didn’t cry until I got in the car and drove away, and while I tried to hide it from Kiddo, he totally called me out on it.

She’s going to a good home.  Her new owner loves cats and it’s been a while since they last had a cat to pet and talk to and curl up on the couch with to watch tv.  I’m really glad, because I know she’ll be well cared for and happy in the new place.  Kiddo will get to spend time with her here and there, and once in awhile I’ll get to stop in and see her, too.
Becuase, actually, she went to live with Kiddo’s dad.

I was a little surprised when he agreed.  I asked after exhausting a few other options that didn’t pan out, and not really wanting to pursue any more. I was only half serious, thinking the answer wouldn’t be “Yeah, she can come live with me.”
I don’t often talk about my son’s father here.  I don’t know why, other than the fact that I guess I just don’t think about it.

I try to always refer to him as “my son’s father” or “my son’s dad” or “kiddo’s dad” or something along those lines.  I really don’t like the term “ex-husband” and that’s not how I think of him.  I don’t think of myself as an “ex-wife” either, so maybe a lot of it has to do with the negative connotation of “ex” than anything else.  Regardless: He’s Kiddo’s dad and that’s that.

Divorce, can be ugly.  Very ugly.  When there are children involved, it can be horrific.

Suffice to say that once upon a time and for a couple years after that - you could use that to describe how we got along.  Rarely in front of the child, and rarely was said child used as a pawn to provoke the other parent.  But, in spaces where he was not present and typically in all phone conversations and court appearances, things could get ugly.

Little by little, things turned from ugly to mostly unpleasant.  From unpleasant to mildly irritating.  From that on to something more pleasant.  Now, I would describe us as pleasant and cooperative with each other.

I’m sure I can be completely annoying to him at times, with my need to have all the details planned and the particulars worked out.  I like “Yes” or “No” answers, where he’s more like, “I’ll look into it.” or “I’m sure we can work it out.”

Maybe it’s that over time, I’ve learned that “I’ll look into it.” is more often the same as “No.” and “I’m sure we can work it out.” is basically “Yes.”

Maybe I haven’t so much “learned” that as just went ahead and assigned those meanings, so that I feel I have the answer in a definitive form and he can answer in his style.  Plus I don’t have to badger him until we’re both annoyed because I don’t have a yesorno answer yet.

Anyway.

Had I started this blog 7 years ago, I most likely would have given blow by blow gory details of our separation and all the things that I was (literally) crazy and angry about. I know all my friends and family certainly got to HEAR all of it.

It might have been helpful to have an outlet like this back then.  Who knows?

But what I do know is that it’s nice to know that the ugliness has dissipated, and that we can co-parent together and things work out well for kiddo.  He loves us both so much, and I know it is difficult for him that he can’t spend as much time with both of us as he would if we were still an intact family.  He was too young to remember his dad and I being married or the separation, but it’s still hard on him to have to split and measure out his time with each of us.  I can’t bear the thought of making that even worse for him, if the situation were different and his dad and I didn’t get along the way we do.

I think it works out better this way for all of us.