Subtle Glow

Remember this entry where I talked about having to give up my cat? We dropped her off at her new home last night.  I didn’t cry until I got in the car and drove away, and while I tried to hide it from Kiddo, he totally called me out on it.

She’s going to a good home.  Her new owner loves cats and it’s been a while since they last had a cat to pet and talk to and curl up on the couch with to watch tv.  I’m really glad, because I know she’ll be well cared for and happy in the new place.  Kiddo will get to spend time with her here and there, and once in awhile I’ll get to stop in and see her, too.
Becuase, actually, she went to live with Kiddo’s dad.

I was a little surprised when he agreed.  I asked after exhausting a few other options that didn’t pan out, and not really wanting to pursue any more. I was only half serious, thinking the answer wouldn’t be “Yeah, she can come live with me.”
I don’t often talk about my son’s father here.  I don’t know why, other than the fact that I guess I just don’t think about it.

I try to always refer to him as “my son’s father” or “my son’s dad” or “kiddo’s dad” or something along those lines.  I really don’t like the term “ex-husband” and that’s not how I think of him.  I don’t think of myself as an “ex-wife” either, so maybe a lot of it has to do with the negative connotation of “ex” than anything else.  Regardless: He’s Kiddo’s dad and that’s that.

Divorce, can be ugly.  Very ugly.  When there are children involved, it can be horrific.

Suffice to say that once upon a time and for a couple years after that - you could use that to describe how we got along.  Rarely in front of the child, and rarely was said child used as a pawn to provoke the other parent.  But, in spaces where he was not present and typically in all phone conversations and court appearances, things could get ugly.

Little by little, things turned from ugly to mostly unpleasant.  From unpleasant to mildly irritating.  From that on to something more pleasant.  Now, I would describe us as pleasant and cooperative with each other.

I’m sure I can be completely annoying to him at times, with my need to have all the details planned and the particulars worked out.  I like “Yes” or “No” answers, where he’s more like, “I’ll look into it.” or “I’m sure we can work it out.”

Maybe it’s that over time, I’ve learned that “I’ll look into it.” is more often the same as “No.” and “I’m sure we can work it out.” is basically “Yes.”

Maybe I haven’t so much “learned” that as just went ahead and assigned those meanings, so that I feel I have the answer in a definitive form and he can answer in his style.  Plus I don’t have to badger him until we’re both annoyed because I don’t have a yesorno answer yet.

Anyway.

Had I started this blog 7 years ago, I most likely would have given blow by blow gory details of our separation and all the things that I was (literally) crazy and angry about. I know all my friends and family certainly got to HEAR all of it.

It might have been helpful to have an outlet like this back then.  Who knows?

But what I do know is that it’s nice to know that the ugliness has dissipated, and that we can co-parent together and things work out well for kiddo.  He loves us both so much, and I know it is difficult for him that he can’t spend as much time with both of us as he would if we were still an intact family.  He was too young to remember his dad and I being married or the separation, but it’s still hard on him to have to split and measure out his time with each of us.  I can’t bear the thought of making that even worse for him, if the situation were different and his dad and I didn’t get along the way we do.

I think it works out better this way for all of us.