Subtle Glow

It’s late, I’m off to bed. Not because I’m tired, although if I were to lay down in my cuddly bed I’m sure I would be singing a different song (to the tune of zzzzzzzzzzzzz).

The real reason is that we are getting some seriously heavy rain right now. It started about five minutes ago, and I’ve been trying to get packed up here and off to bed, so I can lay there and listen.

In the land of perpetually pleasant weather, also known as Southern California (or, “The Southland” as some would call it, with some being TV newscasters, for whatever reason), five minutes of hard rain means that I have about two minutes left to shut down and hop in bed before it settles back into the piddly misty droplets that passes for rain.

Also, I have a meeting scheduled for 6:00am.  As in, get up, get showered, get dressed, get hair done PRIOR to 6:00am, so when it’s over at 7 I can hop in the car, drop kiddo off and head in to work in time for my daily 7:30 meeting.

So, I’m thanking the rain for being there to lull me to sleep.

Does your employer provide FSA as a benefit? Well, I meant that question for those who are not unemployed or self-employed.

Day care costing what it does, I am so SO happy that my new employer provides this benefit. I’ve compared the savings - or more accurately the increased income - between using the pre-tax deduction and using the after tax credit. It’s a no-brainer.

Sorry, sometimes I totally geek out on the whole tax savings thing and I can’t help it. It’s like this silly game we all play with the big bad meany IRS every year and when you find a way to live modestly without giving every extra cent to the spend-happy government (and don’t get me started on how they spend - and spend and spend - it.) you kind of feel like you are winning, a little bit.

Anyway.

I’ll make this quick because I need to go, I’ve been sitting here on my computer for far too long and I have a list of things I need at Target. Except by “list” I mean “one replacement binder for Kiddo” and whatever else I feel like throwing in my cart. All I know is the boy needs a binder and I need some damn cookies, or wine, and possibly both. Plus I just remembered seeing that pepperidge farm has a new chocolate chip cookie with DARK CHOCOLATE - my favorite.

So the point when I started this entry was to tell you that blah blah blah I had a nice chunk of money withheld from my paychecks so far this year and despite the huge companies involved in administering the payroll and the benefits I STILL had to make a few phone calls and say, “Hey! You know those chunks of money you’ve been holding from my check so far this year? Well, uhh, you mind getting your system in line so that I actually get the reimbursement part of the plan started? SUPER!”

I was slightly annoyed that I had to do this, as you can imagine. Also kind of more annoyed when they didn’t actually respond TO ME about my query, but instead just fixed their records and scheduled a disbursement for the next regularly scheduled check run, which happened to be the next day. I sort of thought to myself, “thanks, but I already figure THAT out, by taking it upon myself to CHECK INTO IT” when I got the response the next day from them saying, “You’re account has been corrected blah blah blah.”

Why do I get so annoyed by these things? Part of my goal for this year is to NOT get so testy about all these annoyances… and I’m trying. I guess my programmed response to ineptitude needs a little focus so I don’t automatically make a face and think, “Seriously? Isn’t that like what you do for a living, and therefore part of your responsibility to have this in order before I have to go in and figure it out for you?” Also, I was thinking, how long were they going to keep taking the money and acknowledging the claims before they were like, oh - hey, did you want any of this back? Because if you do we need to do our part and correctly record that you’ve had the money withheld.

So, I’m thinking in order to re-program my response to these things it is going to require some goddamn dark chocolate chip cookies and some wine. At least.

(Nine Eleven days. NINE ELEVEN. Since my last post here.  Nine since I started this entry, and two more until I could come back and finish it. Wanna know why? blah blah work is busy, blah blah. You get the idea. Anyway.)

Last week I had to go in to my regular doctor for a follow up to my stupid fainting in the shower.  I find myself getting more and more irritated that it happened, for whatever reason, by the way.  That part I can’t explain - it’s all very irrational and ridiculous. However, I did have to share ONE part of my visit that was worth mentioning.

So, my doctor insisted I come in to see her after she read the report from my visit to Urgent Care that day.

I grudgingly made the appointment and went.  She is asking me about the whole thing, and checking through my chart, when she tells me this:

Well, probably Yes, you were dehydrated and that is what was causing this.  But, just in case, I am going to suggest that you go to see a neurologist to make sure it was not some kind of seizure or something like epilepsy.

HUH?

Pretty much, here is what I heard her say, “Neurologst. Brain scan.  Possible Seizure.  Likely dehydration. But, you know - whatever.”

As if it wasn’t surreal enough at that point, she hands me a POST-IT NOTE (yeah, seriously!) with the phone number and the names of two doctors in that practice that she recommends.

I am so not kidding when I tell you that it was at least four days later before I actually read the post-it note and realized the names written there.  I have my pick between Dr. Diamond, OR Dr. Chippendale.

No. Seriously.  I am not kidding.  If I wasn’t so lazy I would scan it and show you so you could see there’s no way I could make this up.
My doctor recommends I go to see a male review, apparently.  Because you know the stress of every day life is starting to make me go crazy.  Or, just faint in the shower.  Anyway.
I should probably call and make the appointment so they can do a scan that will tell them Everything is Fine but I can’t seem to get the bow-chika-bow-wow out of my head long enough to take the suggestion seriously.

I’m sure that is completely unfair to two very capable and skilled neurologists, but just to be on the safe side I’m going to schedule my brazilian wax before I go in.

What???

If you happened to notice the late night chatter (to myself) here, then you’ll understand the title.

I did make it out the door relatively on time - only five to ten minutes behind the time I wanted to get to work.  For that 7:30 meeting. But really, who counts the first five to ten minutes of a meeting?  Only the pain the in ass people, that’s who.  Luckily I don’t know of any that were scheduled (or not scheduled) to be there this morning.  Also, another member of the team strolled in even later than I did, because she DID stop for coffee, and allegedly there was traffic.  So I don’t feel so bad about that 10 minutes.

What I did get this morning was a really fun conversation with my son, who was telling me how excited he was that this weekend he would be with his dad AND they were having a three-day weekend.  Isn’t that just so awesome, Mom?  Yes, it is.  Three day weekends are the be-

Hold on.  What?  What three day weekend?

Ahhh, just when you thought the winter break from school was over and things were setting back to normal, there’s ANOTHER SCHOOL HOLIDAY!

It’s not the first time this happened, where the observance of Martin Luther King Day snuck up on me and I was left with no childcare, due to my own dumb stupid lack of planning.  Huh, look at that - only a year ago.  You would think with the day rolling around every year I would be more prepared.
At the time I started this entry I still had not done anything to resolve the childcare issue.  See how I do this to myself?

Ok, so he’s all set.  I got him a spot for a YMCA camp for the day.  Now, remind me I need to call his dad and tell him where to drop him off Monday morning, ok?

Hard to break.

Good Habits: Hard to Form.

A bad habit is staying up until after midnight on nights like tonight when you know your alarm will go off in 4 or 5 hours, and you have to be IN a meeting before 8am.

No, that’s not a bad habit.  That’s just stupidity.  Doing it repeatedly?  That’s a bad habit.

Yeah, that’s not good.

Right.  Now go to bed already, woman.

I wish I had an incentive to go to bed, if you know what I mean.  And I think you know EXACTLY what I mean.  *wink wink*

A girl can dream, I suppose.  But only if she gets her hiney in bed first.

Okay, okay!  Goodnight already.

Goodnight. or Good Morning, if you want to get technical.

Ha.  There won’t be much “Good” about any of it.  But if you’re lucky, there might be some coffee in it for you.

I think someone in my little condo community has a garage remote on the same frequency as mine. Randomly, I will find that my garage door is open. The garage is detached so it’s not like anyone can get into the house if it’s open, but still - I have stuff in there. My bike, for one, would cost quite a few pretty pennies to replace.

I was sitting here a few minutes ago, munching on salami when there was the slightest ‘tap tap tap’ on the door. After making sure the person on the other side wouldn’t rush the door as soon as I cracked it open she said she just came by to tell me she thinks my garage door is open. She was out walking her dog.

Damn. She told me her name but I totally forgot it already. But she seemed really nice!

I *know* I closed it. I came home from Target earlier today, unloaded the car and then closed the garage after I parked the car in there. I probably wouldn’t have paid much attention, but I’ve made a habit of committing this garage door closing act to memory. Like I said, it’s happened before, but I’ve never been able to know for certain if it was me that left it open or not.
Now, Christmas day I pulled the out of the garage and parked it by the house so that I could load it with the gifts and pies - so I figured when I returned home to find the garage door gaping open (please - I don’t want any of my stuff in here - help yourself!) and nothing missing that my absent-mindedness was damn lucky that day.

The time before that, I was sure I had shut it behind my on the way into the house but you know, I was a little agitated and hungry and it’s possible I walked out there and completely forgot to close it. I don’t know.

But this time - I KNOW I closed it.

Damn. I wonder if there is anything I can do about it… besides (ack!) MANUALLY closing and locking my garage door.

Ask me if this is how I spent my New Year’s. Go ahead -

Ok, so No - this wasn’t EXACTLY how I spent New Year’s this year. It was actually January 2nd.
Now, Shawni keeps teasing me that I was admitted to the hospital for “exhaustion” after I joked with her about it. I was referring to the tabloid news we hear from time to time about starlets who were admitted to the hospital for the very same problem. But the I remembered that “exhaustion” is really starlet code for “drug overdose” and I’m thinking my diagnosis of DEHYDRATION is a far cry from OD, so I think we’ll just stop with the exhaustion jokes now.

Now, the downside is that dehydration is starlet code for “she doesn’t eat and weighs less than 100 lbs. but swears she doesn’t have an eating disorder” which also isn’t accurate in my case but I’ll take that before I settle for drug overdose masked as exhaustion.

The short version is that I was in the shower and got very dizzy and light-headed. Then, I fainted.

Keep going to read the long version…
(Read on …)

We need to chat. Because, you see, I just read this post from Laurie over on her site. Please go read it, or at least scroll down until you see this picture (although I recommend reading, as she is a fun read):

*

*(photo taken by the fearless-with-her-picture-taking-in-stores Laurie. See above links to visit her. Say hi.)

Take a close look there. Do you see what it says?

Please, I must know at least this one thing: Why?

You must tell me what genius (and I use the term very loosely here) thought up this particular gem, and then what series of decisions led it to become an actual product on a shelf for sale to people?

Yes, let’s please scent and flavor any and all supplies related to feminine hygiene products because OH, MY! We wouldn’t want anything to smell like an actual vagina (which, in my experience, if properly cared for has little to no detectable scent, if you didn’t happen to know).

Why is it you were not that creative with toilet paper scents? Because if we’re talking about masking odor, I mean - COME ON! Don’t you think that would have been the obvious option?

The ridiculousness of freaking CHAMOMILE DREAMS scented panty liners is beyond an eye roll or two here. Also? What does a chamomile DREAM smell like? What does ANY dream smell like? Are those actually perfumed with any particular scent, or is it just something on the package to make it sound nice. I’m thinking, “Hmmm, a chamomile dream for my vagina… I bet that would be just lovely.” OH MY GAWD! You can’t be serious.

But then if you read the comments on that post, there’s one from Wendy that says:

“What? You’ve never heard of teabagging?”

and, again I have to say OH MY GAWD, because that was totally awesome.

Although it still does not make up for the teabagging panty liners. I hear there are FLAVORED products in the works, and also possibly VITAMIN-ENRICHED products as well?

I would just like to point out that we are talking tampons and pads here. NOT CHAPSTICK, as you might have mistakenly thought if you did not read carefully enough. If you’re intent on making something used for a bodily function that you have deemed “unpleasant” into something a little more tolerable, I would like to point you (once again) to the direction of toilet paper.

You, and the sparkling deodorant people, too. Because - seriously.