Subtle Glow

I have a bad habit of staying up too late at night.  I do it quite often, even when I know I have to be in and settled BY 7:30am the next morning for the first meeting of the day. My bad habit of staying up too late is not *usually* due to inability to sleep.  Usually it is because of my inability to call it a night and go to bed already.  The alarm goes off at 5:30am.  Ideally, I would be in bed between 10:00 and 10:30.  Somehow I regularly find myself still awake and doing whatever until after midnight.
I try not to drink anything with caffeine too late in the day, just in case I want to try to get to bed at a decent hour. Given this, I seriously questioned my own intellect when I opted for a Red Bull at about 2:30 yesterday afternoon.  I have been awake ever since.

Actually, that’s not true at all.  In fact, quite the opposite:  I was in bed and asleep shortly after 9:30pm last night.  I slept soundly through the night and opted for the snooze cycle more than once this morning.
I have said more than once before that Red Bull does not seem to give me anything - not a jolt, not a buzz, and least of all wings.  I don’t drink it all that often because, well, what’s the point?  It certainly doesn’t taste all that great. But now I’m thinking I should maybe opt for it more often. Maybe I would get to bed at a decent time if I did.

I takes true talent to stir up family drama in my family. That’s one of the things I like - that generally there isn’t a whole lot of anything to “deal with” as far as the family goes. Least of all: Drama.

But. I managed, somehow.

It started with myspace. Oh, fucking myspace, of course! I loathe it, for all the brain hemorrhage-inducing blinking graphics and left to right scrolling bastions of hell that is the customized layout “feature” of the space. At the same time, I regard it with a little bit of Wow due in part to the fact that I probably wouldn’t be back in touch with my sister after 15 years of lost contact - because of fucking myspace. How can you hate it for that?

And so.

My brother set up a page recently, as did his fiancée. I found her page, but OOPS I seemed to have stumbled on a countdown to their wedding day. Which is in like three months from now. Surprise!

I mentioned this to my mom and asked if she knew about it. It wouldn’t be uncommon for her to know this bit of information from my brother, but alas she did not. I don’t know how she took the news, or what her emotional reaction was, so I won’t assume to know it but I do know that she responded with, “You’re kidding me.” She might have said the F word, too.

Do you think I stopped there? NOPE! That might have been the smart thing to do, or at least the next smartest thing to do. Right after Keep your big fat mouth shut already because until they decide to tell you it’s Nunya Dambidness, M.K.

Except I am dumb and I did not do either of those smart or next smartest things.

Instead my brother called to wish me a Happy Birthday. So I responded with Hey, thanks for the birthday wishes! Oh, yeah - by the way you should know that uhhh, well - Mom kind of knows that you guys have a wedding date coming up soon. Also? I kind of told her, thinking she would already know, but, as you know she didn’t. No worries, though! I think she is totally happy you guys are getting married - except that part where you haven’t actually told her about it yet. So, anyway! Possibly you should call her. SOON.

At which point HE got all hacked off, because of COURSE they were going to not only tell us but also even invite us. They just wanted to work out more of the details, before anyone started being all bossy about what to do and where to do it and who gets to pay for what. But then he tells me that it’s not really their wedding date. It’s just their goal to get married on that date this year. But it’s not really a wedding date. Because they want to plan for it, so they are trying to do that.

What the fuck?

OHHH, okay I get—

I–

No. Not really.

There was some other stuff he was saying, but between my friends demanding I hang up, and then my brother’s fiancée getting on the phone to also try take her turn to explain and clarify, plus my bewilderment at Are you kidding me? I’m having another one of these conversations, only with a different family member. It was difficult to keep track of what was happening. But basically they both wanted to stress how much they wanted to own the planning and the paying and all that which is why they had not told any of us yet. Also because it’s just that they are hoping they can get married that day, but it’s not their real actual wedding date. But they hope it is only they do not know for sure.

TOTALLY understandable, except the part where I call bullshit. To begin with, we are not a “get involved” family. I have no desire to plan a wedding - even if it is my brother’s wedding. My mom *might* be willing, but not unless specifically asked by her son’s soon-to-be-wife, lest she break the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not interfere intentionally or otherwise with the relationship between your son and his wife - especially before, during, or immediately after the wedding. To end with, I don’t understand what the hell the date-not-a-real-date-just-a-goal-we-are-hoping-to-make-real-but-it’s-not-real-yet-date is about. I think they might have been trying to confuse me. Possibly, it worked. Or, perhaps they do not want us there. But, ok - both of them are nearly 30 years old. If that’s what they want then just come out and say it.

The conversation was dissolving. He was getting more defensive and less coherent on the date-not-a-date thing, and I was getting annoyed. At which point I was like: HEY! I get it - you didn’t want to tell anyone. Oh, except the whole fucking internet. All I’m saying is probably you could call her and just let her know it’s No Big Deal before she goes and fills in the blanks herself, and decides you hate her and don’t want her at your wedding. That’s all I’m trying to tell you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get back to my birthday because I was just getting to the part where I get a good enough buzz to giggle at how stupid I am for thinking that if I read it on the internet it couldn’t possibly be because you didn’t want anyone to know - it was just that you hadn’t told anyone yet!

SO.

I think I will not be calling any family people for a little while. It seems that I am on a losing streak with that these days. They say you can’t win if you don’t play. But, you can’t lose if you don’t play, either. So I’m going to sit this one out if you don’t mind.

That’s my initial thought on the in-depth waxing today. Hmmm, not so bad. I don’t think anyone would describe getting anything waxed as feeling particularly GOOD but it’s not the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt.

Honestly, it didn’t hurt any more then getting my tattoos (I have one on my ankle and one on the top of my back), and lasted about as long. From here on out, provided I continue going in regularly, it will hurt even less.

Really. Not so bad.

I’ll never take another razor to that area ever again, that’s for sure.

I would not say that the one is directly causing the other, either. There is rain in the forecast for later this week and I am decidedly perky at the prospect.

I went home for lunch and found myself debating the idea of crawling back into bed for the rest of the day, and I’m not even coming down with anything.

The birthday around the corner? I’m fine with it - I have no issue with turning 32. In fact I have no feelings on it one way or the other. It’s my birthday. Ok, cool. Next?

This may be more information that you ever wanted to know, but I have to tell someone because I’m a little bit skeered. Saturday morning, I have an appointment to get my first brazilian wax. Sure I’ve had a bikini wax before, but I’ve never gone as far as brazilian.

Why am I doing this? I dunno, I have been curious, and it seemed like something I should at least try. Not only that but it seems so simple. What to do with that “do?” Simple: get rid of it.

I have a friend who is an esthetician and does this kind of thing for a living. She recommends it and says that most if not all who try it love it and never go back. I found a place close by that comes highly praised and recommended, but I’ll wait until I judge for myself before I post the link.

I feel bad that I’m not going to her to have it done, but there are a couple reasons. For one, I would have to go down to the other end of the county, rather than 5 minutes from my house and I am lazy. For two, I am too embarrassed to have her see me all up close and personal. Maybe that is odd - to prefer to have a complete stranger there instead - but at least if I find it to traumatic to go back, I never have to see the waxer again. Maybe I would go to her eventually when I’m not so self-conscious about it.

Now that you know too much about me in places you don’t want to know about, if I haven’t scared you away screaming and bleaching your brains then I’ll try to make it a little better by reassuring you: This will be one event that I definitely won’t be sharing pictures! I bet you were worried, too.

Hopefully afterwards I’ll be looking forward to having some friends over for a night of sangria, and possibly some other stuff like food. Other than the sangria, the particulars are still up in the air. Should be fun.

Did I tell you I got my tax refund and paid off all but ONE credit card bill? I did.

When I moved last September I used a couple cards with “X-months same as cash” to buy some small items for the new place. Like, a refrigerator. And a washer and dryer. You know, a few trinkets to make the place more inviting. Honestly - what could be more inviting than cold beer and clean underwear - all in the same place? Did I mention NO INTEREST?

Now Paid In Full. Zero Balance Owed. WOOHOO! It feels great.

I have a few miscellaneous items that are still out there. Yes, I am *still* making payments to my attorney for my divorce. Did you know my divorce was final over half a decade ago? But he lets me make payments and didn’t charge me any interest for the first five years. I almost owe an amount less than four digits BEFORE the decimal, even. How awesome is that?*

Then there are my student loans. But honestly if I have to pay a couple hundred dollars on those until I DIE (which, honestly it really feels like it will take that long) then I’m still comfortable with that. At least, it won’t keep me up at night worrying. The payments are reasonable and if I can pay more I will but other than that the student loan people are perfectly fine with this arrangement and so am I.

Possibly I am sharing Too Much Information, but I can’t seem to help myself. I’m all giddy about it. I didn’t really mean to go on and on about all my personal finances. I was only telling you all that so you would understand why I’m not going to chastise myself for the amount I’m going to spend tonight getting my hair done.

*Not very. I know. Sadly I just made that realization. Oh well. This is my parade and I’m dictating the weather for it, because I can.

If I ever had to mail you anything you know that it will get to you much faster if we just happen to meet in person anytime between the time I said i would try to send it and, ohhhhh - the next six months or so.

I had to send a package out today - some items that were accidentally left behind on a recent visit.  By recent I mean he left about 3 weeks ago and I discovered the items the same day he left.  So, there ya go.

Fiiiinally, I remembered to pick up something to send the items out to him yesterday, and after some nagging on his part a little reminder from him I promised I would get off my butt and send it out today.  So I did!!

I wanted to send a surprise along with the package but then I was stuck with “what” - of course I had already been thinking about that over the last three weeks and yet STILL I could not think of anything, and in order not to delay the package even more days (or weeks, even) I just sent it out all boring-like without so much as a goofy card or anything extra.  So, in some ways it’s good I’m single - I would sort of suck as an actual real-life girlfriend.  Wait. That isn’t what I meant.  OH - well okay never mind.
BUT!  I was also a little bit smart-ish, too.  Because when I bought the packaging materials I bought EXTRA.  So that when I finally figure out what to send I can actually pack it up and send it.

So, now I’m stumped.  What the heck could i send?  He’s picky - he has definite ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ and everything I know about his ‘likes’ that he can only get here are all Food items.  I don’t know - sending food through the mail seems to be something that should be sent overnight.  Which, is expensive.  Like in some cases it’s maybe even twice the cost of the actual item to send.

I need ideas.  Anyone?  Fun stuff to send off, since I went and got all the necessary items to mail them in?  I even have smallish boxes - only $4 to send priority!

Google has offered little to no help on this.  Google hates me this week I think.

Gmail is free and also in beta and all that, but WOW - I sure do miss it when it is down. I think I’m going on three to four hours now.

I keep forgetting it is down, sometimes only seconds after the last time I checked it. Like a big dummy I’m clicking the link and staring while waiting for the page to load.

I thought I read somewhere that you can get to it if you have Thunderbird - so I’ve spent the rest of the time contemplating whether or not I want to download/install it just to see.

Bonus: I’m trying to log in to a website but can’t remember the right password. Guess where I have to go to get the password reminder?

All sign point to “Quit dicking around on the internets and get back to work, already.”

**Update - hooray, it’s back online!  Love you gmail!

I’m not complaining - I am happy that the time change was moved from April to March starting this year.  Somehow things seem less stressful when there’s more daylight to burn.

My Outlook calendar has me a little concerned.  I don’t trust that all the meetings are where they are supposed to be.  If I had one or two meetings, it’s not a big deal.  But punch the number up to five or six per day and it’s too much to remember and keep track of without a reliable calendar.

Eeek!

It’s 4:15am.

I just arrived home from work.  Honestly though it wasn’t *too* bad.
Hopefully, for those of use who worked a 21-hour day (or more, like my boss) the fatigue didn’t cause us to put utter crap in the system and cause it to crash later today/tomorrow.

I’m going to go ahead and go to bed now and get some sleep - just in case we did blow something up and my phone starts ringing.

I am [ ] <---this close to hereby declaring my absolute HATE for all that is:

• Medical Insurance “coverage”
• Medical claims and/or services billing
• Medical insurance member “services” (unless the service is just placing you on endless hold, then you can remove the quotes from the word.  Because they do that perfectly.  ALL DAY LONG)

You may remember that earlier this year I spent a fun day in the urgent care clinic and then the ER.

You also may remember that at the Urgent Care clinic they kept trying to insist that I was pregnant, despite my insistence that it wasn’t likely or even possible.  Still, the doctor refused to even enter the exam room until I peed in a cup so she could tell me “HA! You’re pregnant! and wasting my time!”  When that didn’t work out the way she planned, she threw her hands up in astonishment, and sent me to the ER.

So here’s where I’m further annoyed by the entire fiasco.  The letters from my insurance company talking about “patient responsibility” and “services not covered for the following reason:  diagnostic test deemed unnecessary or preventative.”
My first annoyance is that I don’t understand how the insurance company can deem a diagnostic test as unnecessary.
If I could ever get through to the Member “Services” I would ask them, “Hi, I inexplicably lost consciousness one day, so I went to the doctor where they ran test to figure out why.  How is anything they did somehow considered either A)Unnecessary - because HELLO no one knows what’s wrong and possibly they need to do a test or two to try and figure it out - or B)Preventative - because again HELLO it kind of already happened so what were they preventing?”

Here’s a bonus for you: I paid the co-pay at the urgent care and just the other day I received a bill for services that were (AGAIN) not covered by the insurance.  Guess what one of them was?  THAT G*&&@^N PREGNANCY TEST.  Oh, yes, well I guess the insurance company apparently agrees with me on that one - unnecessary.  That means I get to pay for it. Super!

Let me get this straight.  I need to see a doctor but the doctor refuses to come in and even speak to me before I submit to a test that I don’t need but have to take in order to see the doctor.  The insurance company then rules the test “unnecessary” so I get the bill and have to pay for the test that (which - not sure if I mentioned this?) I did. not. need.
Wow.  I guess I should just say right now I AM SO GLAD I SAID NO TO THE AMBULANCE RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL!

In the interest of making the situation even more ridiculous, and also a little bit of “let’s just see what happens” I think I’m going to take all the bills I have received and submit a claim to the insurance company.  Maybe they got them already and rejected them, or maybe they didn’t.  Maybe I will submit it with all the information in the right boxes or printed in the correct font. It is so hard to tell.

Let them sort it out and send back to me whatever portions I truly need to pay.