Subtle Glow

Talk me off the ledge here.

I am trying to play it cool, but the word went out very recently that the reporting structure is being “tweaked” a bit.  In reality, nothing will really change for me on the surface.  It will all be pretty much transparent.  But in the next month or so my “on paper” boss will change.
Still, you know how sometimes you just won’t let things go, because of the “principle” of the issue?  Like when someone screws up and it turns out they overcharged you $20 for something.  It’s not that you can’t afford it, it’s the principle of it. That’s kind of how this is for me.  Because, I know that I won’t really approach what I do any differently, and I know that when it comes to daily priorities they will come from the same source.  But having said that, I also have to say I’ve had a really bad string of bosses in the past, and I finally (FINALLY!) have a great boss.  I don’t want to mess with it, and it makes me very nervous to think that it might be messed with.

I can be candid here, so I’ll tell you that part of the reasons I had for leaving my last two positions with two different companies had to do with the management.  There were other reasons, but one huge factor in the decision to move on both times had to do with management.  Lack of quality management, to be specific.  Lack of respectable managers, to be even more specific.
I was so happy when I got this job because I liked the work I was doing, it was in the same direction I wanted to go with my career, and once I got to know who I worked for, I was ecstatic because it was everything I was looking for at that end.

My boss tells me that nothing will directly change, and I’m trying really hard to trust him on that.  Personally, I don’t like when there are “unknown” factors, and it’s too early to know if the new guy has a whole plan on how he wants to shake everything up as a display of leadership.  Because, you know, sometimes people with new-found power try to prove they can handle it by thoroughly fucking everything up on behalf of their newly acquired authority.

Which is to say, I’ve been through the pains of becoming a direct report of someone who previously had zero direct reports.  She was a tyrant.  I left within a year.  So most of my thoughts and insecurities with all of this change have little to nothing to do with this particular change, and almost everything to do with my past experiences and my very strong desire to NOT go through that again, but also to NOT be miserable at a job and eventually have to face the fact that the only other option is to move on.
I like my job.  I don’t want to leave.  I want to be able to feel positive and secure in the knowledge that I’m doing a good job and will continue to do so with the way things are.  I want to regard this information as a “blip” on the radar because I want the reality to be that’s all it is.

I don’t want this to be a sore spot, but I’m lying at this point if I try to pretend that it isn’t, at least a little bit.

But, I’ll try.  I’ll give it some time, see how it plays out.  I’ll treat it the same way it is supposedly intended - merely a formality on paper but no real change in the overall big picture.   I won’t spend a lot of time thinking of alternatives if I don’t think it’s working out in a few months, but I will know by then if I’ll need to or not.

I don’t know the protocol, and I know I try to keep this blog balanced and not just my parenting woes but… *sigh*

You know how it feels when your child is struggling with something, or if your friend is struggling with something, or even a spouse and the aforementioned struggling - and you find you are just completely unable to help with the struggling AT ALL?

My Kiddo is probably one of the most sweet-tempered children you may come across, and I love how he seems to just take everything in stride most of the time.

Tonight, for example, he is sleeping on the couch.

You see - and this is where I cringe a tiny bit and bite the inside of my lip until it bleeds while I contemplate appropriateness - sometimes he has a little accident during the night. Last night was one of those nights. The bedding is all washed and cleaned but the mattress is still a little damp in some areas after I did the whole treatment routine this morning.

I know he is asleep when this happens, and honestly I don’t *really* know what I do in my sleep so I think doing anything other than making sure the linens are properly taken care of and encouraging him to drain his bladder before bed is asking him to pretty much sleep with one eye open.

I know he is not happy that this happens. It’s not like he wakes at 3am and thinks, Cool! Now I get to change my pajamas and pull off my sheets and try to find blankets and pillows and a place to sleep for the rest of the night.

Is there anything more I can do other than respond with nonchalance? We used to have a malem alarm, and it worked fabulously. After months of dry nights I sent it on to help another family, because we didn’t seem to need it, and had not used in in several weeks with no relapses. I paid $100 or so for the alarm, the plastic sheet for the mattress, and extra cords for the alarm, and I still think it was one of the best $100 I have ever spent.
I don’t know if going back to the alarm is the way to go, or not. Would that be the same, or very very different than telling him he will have to go back to wearing pull-ups(TM)? I won’t say WHO mentioned they had done this but my own parental pride is screaming at me to make sure I tell you “It wasn’t me!” I would rather re-introduce the alarm and mention it is only precautionary than force him to essentially wear a diaper. At the same time, mattresses are expensive and frequent bedwetting - no matter how well you treat it - degrades the mattress over time. Yet it doesn’t seem to make sense replacing the mattress until all nighttime issues are resolved/under control.
So, yeah. *sigh* Woe be the mom, is me.

I ordered a trial/sample/starter kit from the philosophy line a few weeks ago - the “makeup optional” kit.  Sadly, maybe I am too much perfectionist because I am not finding that it makes my skin “makeup optional.” More like “makeup required” and then that leaves me wondering what kind of makeup goes well with a makeup optional skincare product?
Perhaps I need the congested skin kit?  I don’t generally have trouble with acne or breakouts but - just, WOW.  Half past noon today I was in the ladies room and caught a glance at my face in the mirror and thought - EW!  All shiny, greasy and just…  not fresh-faced at all.

To tell the truth I am a little discouraged.  Summer is pretty much here, and I do fight the summer skin - any heat and there’s a nice little shine all over my face.  Does anyone else get grossed out at the thought of re-applying makeup halfway through the day on a slick and greasy face?  blurgh.

Open to suggestions…

that I have all but abandoned this blog. That’s not the case, although I don’t promise that my posting will be less random after this. I know in times of mental distress I turn here first, so the fact that I’m not writing here all too often is… in some ways very good.  Mental health is soaring, people!

Some random things that I have discussed among friends recently:

1.  The overall decline of watch-worthy television series these days.  Can I just say, as much as I used to love watching Grey’s Anatomy, that I think this show is sporting some serious suckage this season?  I don’t think I could care any less about these characters.  It seems in the attempt to develop all of the character’s storylines so every episode wasn’t about Mer and McDreamy - they have ended up with an entire group of characters that frankly I really don’t want to know about.  You can go ahead and add Mer and McDreamy to that group at this point, because any episode involving their storyline is simply another very special episode of this week’s “Who’s the Dickhead?”

Other shows equally sharing in the sucktastic: Scrubs (another used to be favorite), and 24 (I hate even admitting this, but reality and I can only stand to ignore and deny the truth for so long).  Desperate Housewives: I think this show was good for about 6 episodes. Why do I still even bother watch?  I am on the fence about Lost - I’ll watch the finale this week but everyone knows we’re waiting for the inevitable and bitter end.  Also?  If they don’t get rescued this week then they might as well rename the show Gilligan’s Island because it would only take that little bit to make it utterly ridiculous.
I am seriously going to miss Gilmore Girls.  Heroes, thankfully, has the momentum going strong and I am really looking forward to tomorrow night’s finale.
2.   Vacation!  I scheduled a week off, and I am planning to hang around town and do some fun tourist-y things with Kiddo.  We did this two years ago and had a great time.  I’m starting a vacation fund, and next year we want to actually plan to travel somewhere.  Kiddo’s vote is Hawaii.  I have never been, so it’s a possibility.  I may do some travel for work next year as well, possibly to New Zealand.  I really should get started on getting passports for us both while I’m at it.

3.  Kiddo got the bad news recently that he has developed cavities on two of his teeth.  On the up side they are on his baby teeth.  He was rather distraught on hearing the news.  After we left the dentist he told me his legs were shaky walking out of the office, knowing he would have to come back to have them filled.  When they called the day of his appointment to say they were all out of oxygen, and did I think he would be ok without the nitrus, I told them “Actually, I think he will come completely unglued if you try that without nitrus.”  They went ahead and rescheduled for us.  To Be Continued…

That completes my random rambling for today.

I love sleeping in on the weekends.  During the week I have an alarm do the job of waking me at an hour that I would not naturally get out of bed.

Except last Sunday.  For some unknown reason I was awake at the ridiculous hour of 5:30am.  I don’t know why, except I know I couldn’t get back to sleep.

I got up and got dressed and honestly, if I could drag my ass out of bed that early on every weekend morning I would.  I did my grocery shopping, I got myself a cup of coffee to sip while I shopped, and then I took my car in and had the oil changed and the tires rotated.  I was home before noon.

Nevermind that while waiting for my car to be serviced, I very nearly nodded off completely.  I brought a book to read, but I couldn’t concentrate on it due to the debate going on in my head.  The debate centered on just HOW bad would it be, really, if I were to just close my eyes and snooze - just a tiny bit - on this funny little waiting area couch at the service center.

I managed to fight the urge to fall asleep, knowing that had I stopped to snooze a little bit I might have let my mouth fall open or something.  What if I snorted or started snoring?  Too risky.  I think it’s better for everyone if I just go ahead and sleep in.

What I would like to know, is where is that 5:30am “I’m awake and can’t get back to sleep” feeling when I need it to get up on time for work during the week?