Subtle Glow

I know I have mentioned my complete freakishness about my eyes before. So, I’m sure you will understand the title of my entry when I tell you I have a suspicious spot of redness on the lower lid of my right eye. The eye - it itches. My left eye is also bloodshot. It does not itch but it is irritated and both eyes are easily tired.

Please. Please let it just be environmental irritation. Let it be allergies. Let it be anything other than some weird infection that will be puffy and red - or worse (like pink eye! or a sty!). Let it NOT be those things. Let it be irritation to the fakey lashes I have been wearing, or irritation from the lash adhesive remover I used last week in order to give the eyes a rest. Even though the irritation showed up a full week after the last duralash touched an authentic (and WOW - very short, barely visible!) eyelash.

Dearest Universe,

I’m about to start a vacation… I don’t want to use the time hiding in the house while I wait for my face to return to an acceptable condition for public exposure. I don’t want the first time I have taken more than a day or two of vacation in over two years to be spent being stricken with some illness. But if there must be some affliction involved… please not the eyes!
Pretty please?

Thanks ever so much.

Currently thinking: “GRRR it is very hot and stuffy in here - why the fuck do they keep shutting off the air?!! ARRRRRRGH. PS - I might beat something with a heavy stick if I have to sit through another hour of this tax crap.”

I have a taste for mashed potatoes and roasted chicken and blanched, buttery green beans.

This could be due to the fact that I’ve been too distracted to have any breakfast just yet and it is nearly time for lunch.

Anyway…

I feel kind of cheated out of my weekend. Half of Saturday was spent running Kiddo around to his last flag football game and then out for pizza celebration. Kiddo’s dad was there at the game, so I tried to run over to the bank and deposit my brother’s paycheck, since there is no Bank of Nevada here in California.  Alas, the bank was oh-so-sorry but they cannot take third-party checks, even though the payee was standing right there next to me AND I was not even trying to cash the check but just put funds into my account.  No dice, but they would be more than happy to open an account for him!  Well, ok then.  Except - he did not have TWO forms of acceptable ID.  Just a driver’s license.  The pay stub would suffice, except that was back at the house.  So we ended up heading back to the game to catch the last half and then head over to the greasy-pizza-fest.

The other half of the day was spent scrubbing down both bathroom toilets and showers, laundry, and general straightening. I kept sort of waiting for my brother to see me sweaty, grubby and elbow-deep in shower cleaner and offer to help. Yeah, not so much.

I was puzzled, and trying to find a way to understand it without using “it’s a guy thing” to explain it (because I really cannot stand that especially when used as a rationalization for cluelessness). I mentioned it to my mom and she help me realize that A) I probably can just ask him to help if that’s what I want, because B) He probably doesn’t think of it as “his” house, or “his” space yet.

It’s so strange, this whole “Hi there is a whole other adult person living here now.” Somehow my brain sticks on that “Hey, how about you just ASK for help? You know - see how that works for you when you open your mouth and SAY what it is you need?” I guess there is part of me that does not want to nag (oh, GAH! how I am annoyed when I have to ask more than once or repeat myself… because of this thing I have about - yep! you guessed it - ASKING for help) so it is difficult for me to just ask.

Anyway, that was Saturday. Sunday morning was spent grocery shopping, because again - WHOLE other person in the house now and WOW, I didn’t realize how much whole people tend to eat! Typically there is no one home all day, so that makes a difference. Also - it is summer and Kiddo is now home and THAT little guy can eat just as much as a whole grown-up type person if you let him. And by “let him” I mean he will eat an entire box of granola bars or a whole bag of goldfish crackers in one sitting if you let him.  SO.  As I was saying - Sunday morning we spent a few hours grocery shopping.  No sooner did I get home and unload and put it all away, it was time to drive up to my mom’s for a barbecue and swimming and such. Once home again, it was time for the bedtime routine and settling in for the night after preparing for the workday today.
I feel cheated out of the weekend because by the time I got to sit and relax as I like to do on weekends, it was over.

My scheduled vacation time just shrank by a couple days, because there is ONE day within the first three days I am out where I really kind of need to be here.  Given that, I figured what is the point of taking the day before off, then coming in the next day, then taking the next day off.  So I’m now moving the start day back a couple days…  but who knows maybe I will get greedy and tack those back on to the other end of the vacation.

It’s almost 5:30 and I’m about to pack up and leave for the weekend. I thought I would take a peek at my google reader to catch up on some regular and not-so-regular blog reading.

Do you ever read True Wife Confessions? I sometimes read the new entries, or scan through the short and sweet ones. Be warned - sometimes it’s heartwarming to read, other times it is heart wrenching, and then there are the times where it is unbearable (for so many reasons that I can’t begin to list here).

Sometimes, I read something and it is both hilarious and a little bit scary all at the same time. Scanning through an unread entry today I caught a little tidbit and I had to bite back the laugh:

… right now I cannot stand you. I was asked on Friday what I was going to get you for fathers day, my answer was I wasn’t going to kill you until Monday. Guess what, its Monday and I’m fucking tempted.

I found that hilarious. Because honestly - who hasn’t been there before, at least once and maybe only for a few minutes? Who hasn’t left work late on Friday night looking forward to the weekend only to find themselves on the Monday side of it wondering “What the fuck was that?”

It’s late-ish on a Friday and I am heading out of the office looking forward to the weekend. Hope you have a fabulous couple days, and that you are also like me and facing only a few more days until the weekend melds into vacation time. I mean, with plans like that what can possibly go wrong?

Hi! Hello, how are you?  Long time no talk.  Bleh, the usual: busy; work; parenting; busy; summer vacation; etc. How about some random stuff, then?
Soon, I have vacation time - a whole week and THEN some.  It cannot be here soon enough I tell you.  Then later this year I am going on another vacation which is a cruise.  I have never been on a cruise, let alone a real-life family vacation with the kiddo - at least not one where we go somewhere to visit someone we know that lives in that location.  I hope he does not get seasick.

There is a work-related conference scheduled for later this year and we are being encouraged to attend.  It is being held in Las Vegas, and while that is a huge incentive for some people - I frankly have never understood what is so “awesome” about Vegas.  I really do not want to go, particularly because of where it is held.  But, we’ll see.

My brother is going through a really hard time right now.  I’m hoping I can help him get through it and put the pieces of his life back together in a way that will work for him in the long term.  Unfortunately the way the pieces used to fit together was not good, and sad as it may be they had to be smashed apart.  In the interim there is the requisite pain and anguish involved on his part of having his world crash down around him and trying to pick up the pieces and carry on.  I am concerned about him, I know he is strong and he can get through this, but he has to WANT to get through it.  He wants to, I know he does.

I suppose there is a part of me that has my own fears that he will change his mind.  That he will decide it’s too hard to start all over, and that the time and distance have served the purpose of getting him in the mindset to go back to his old life and put that one back together.  I know either way I have no control over it, and no matter what he decides that I will handle it and deal with it at that point.  It is hard to see him struggling and not rush in to try and fix everything, or to feel angsty over my inability to just “make it all better” which I know I struggle with anyway.

He’s going to be FINE.

Last bit of randomness:  I have a fourth grade son.  The hell?  It is simultaneously awesome and mind-blowing all at the same time.

Heh. So, guess what? I totally could not sleep last night - and I mean AT ALL! While most nights lately it takes me a loooong time to get to sleep, I have been able to do it for at least 4-5 hours.

But not last night. No, last night was a mother fukcer of insomnia. Tonight I do NOT care that the 2 glasses of wine might wear off in the middle of the night and I’ll be up again. I do not care! In case you wondered: this is me, not caring, and planning to sleep through the night or call in sleepy tomorrow.

So, this entry is a little bit of a throw-back to posts of long ago, back when they were like ‘regular’ and daily and stuff instead of randomly scattered throughout the days/weeks/etc. Of course there was wine-induction and so it all came pouring over the keys in almost seamless fashion.

Who cares! I am typing while cross-eyed and STILL spelling without much of a challenge!

I know it is not funny to make jokes but, I’m just wondering about going a week or so with very little food and very little sleep every day and still feeling “functional” (I guess that is the word), and not even just functional but dare I say I feel like woohoo! except maybe more like: yeah it’s any other day, except I feel fine!! before I need to be concerned, that is… but no time for that now.
I’m fine! Just saying, that it’s weird, but nothing I’m sure.

Also? Other things - that I don’t want to sit her and type right now… I am cold and need slippers. I am hot and need air to breathe.

I need some damn sleep already. Shhhhh, everyone.

Remind me to tell you about my adventures with false eyelashes. Oh, whatever I will tell you now because it is a short short story that goes like this:

Ok, little drop of glue… pinch the group of false lashes, dip in the glue and settle on the lash line - NOT the eyelid!

FUKC that took a ridiculous amount of time!

I cannot get the OLD glue off the lashes, so I just keep buying more sets and at this point I’m going through one package per week and STILL I am ending up with 1/3 tossed out on the first try due to too many failed attempts to “settle” that goddamned clump of lashes. So the false eyelashes - I really don’t care if they are TOO obvious when I wear them - and they are a son of a bitch to get on and have stay on. But one I get there - I like them.

Any random ramblings from you?