Subtle Glow

I’ve been back from Vegas and I literally feel like I spent the entire week I was there going, going, going. Only to come home and go, go, go more.

I had fun - as much fun as I figured could be had. Vegas is usually like that for me. I wouldn’t choose it as a place to go, but if I have to go then I try to plan it so I can have fun and all. Usually I come home a little deflated.

I was glad to see my friend, and her husband. We had a ton of fun when we managed to get together. The conference scheduling did their level best to monopolize *every waking minute* I was there, so when I did manage to get time away it was a lot of trying to pack too much in to too little time. Of course, there was also The Walking. My feet were literally black and blue by the third day there.

I am tired. I am tired of life in general. I am so tired of waking up every day hoping today will be better than yesterday, only to find there are all kinds of new and different annoyances and frustrations to be had, on top of the constant day-to-day ones that I do not seem to have any skill with which to rid them from the day-to-day. I’m tired of flinging myself in bed at night, not really because I am sleepy but because I have just had enough of the day already. I’m tired of being bitchy, and aggravated - both states brought on by my constant need to repeat shit all the time.

I mentioned I have a fourth grader? Yes. Did you know my fourth-grader still gets up and goes about his day, making choices about what he does based strictly on what he wants to do? As if that were the only thing to consider when making a decision. Mom has told me to get started on this assignment, but I don’t want to. So, I will choose not to do that.

I would say that from the time he developed cognitive reasoning, I have been very clear that “because I wanted to” and “because I didn’t want to” were NOT to be used as the basis for doing things that were required to be done. Things like, attending school or doing homework or daily chores. Also things like brushing your teeth every day, and combing your hair that you insist on growing long(ish).

Yet, his decision-making still hinges on those two criteria. I know he is a child and therefore behaving childishly, but I feel like this is something we’ve been going round and round with for YEARS.

I am at a loss. And I am so, SO tired of trying not to lose my goddamn mind every day while I deal with the stubborn insistence that “because I didn’t want to” is reason enough not to have done something. Particularly when the something is a specific something that I talked to him about and hammered home that it needed to be done before this point in time, because we have other things to do and we will not have time to do it later.

But in the end, he didn’t want to. So, he didn’t.

I think the next time I hear that from him, I’m going to claw my face off in a fit of rage. Any other ideas?

To have forgotten there are two months worth of flex benefit claims you have not submitted.  Next payday - 150% of your normal paycheck.

Nope.  That does not suck.

To have a trip planned to Las Vegas less than a week after the “windfall” paycheck.  With your bestest friend.  The week before her birthday.  Without your kids OR hers.
Nope! That does not suck.

I think mama needs a new dress to mark the occasion.  And some shoes, too.
;)

#1“So Kiddo, now that you’re in fourth grade you will be earning letter grades. That’s kind of exciting. You think you’re all set to be an “A” student?”

“Yes, but of course there will be the occasional F on some things.”

“Uhm, actually, NO. That will not be acceptable. Same for D’s. While we’re at it, just go ahead and plan on getting A’s or B’s.”*

He cries and tells me, “You’re pushing me too hard! I can’t do that good all the time.”

“You can, and you will, because there is no excuse for failing grades other than pure laziness. So I will keep pushing until you accept that failing is not an option.” I am the meanest mother in the world.

Except when you remember how easy it is to get good grades in school anymore, and put into perspective just how much you have to TRY to get a failing grade. Then I guess I’m not the meanest mother, just the biggest pain in the ass. I’ll live.

*I think a C letter grade is acceptable, provided that he’s working hard and that is all he was capable of earning. I didn’t think that this particular conversation was the place to try and make that determination.

Later, the same day:

#2
“Hey Kiddo, did you have a chance to ask your teacher about these different projects that are due later this month?”

“Oh, gosh - I forgot.”

“Ok, why don’t you write yourself a note in your planner? That way when you write down the next homework assignment you can remember to ask.”

He stares blankly at the page and claims he doesn’t know know what to write.

Pretty much I hit the roof after ten minutes of him staring at the page and playing with his pencil. Stonewalling. Additional attempts made to have him write a reminder were met with the same response, “I don’t know what to write.”"Well, what do you need to remember to ask about?”

“The science project and the social studies project.”

“Ok, then write that down.”

“But I don’t know what to write.”

Repeat that conversation no less than five times and then scream in frustration and you will have an idea of how awesome that was.

It has been a couple days and then he spent some time at his dad’s so I have been able to resist the urge to spin myself into the same ridiculous circle about the projects.

He brought home a piece of paper that detailed the requirements for the science project, along with TWO pages of websites full of resources for completing the assignment. I was supposed to sign the front page and send it back to school.

#3

“Mom, you need to sign this page so I can bring it back to school. Right here next to where I signed.”

“Sure. So you understand the assignment and what you need to do?”

He stares at me.

“Honey I just want to make sure that when I sign it, it is because I understand what you need to do for this. So do you understand your assignment?”

Then I went on to tell him that this was an assignment for HIM to do - not me. Which may have solidified my presence as a full-blown pain in the ass.

He continued to stare at me, the blank look slowly turning sullen.

Oh, this is going to be a FUN year…

That I ordered a new flat iron online (only because ULTA did not have the size in stock that I wanted) and I am so excited because it is on its way to me, and should arrive by the end of the week?

Is it really indicative of mental instability that I have already had a dream about how cute my hair will turn out once I have the flat iron? You know, because it’s not enough to just have nice hair and a good cut - I need more TOOLS to do stuff with it.

If it is a measure of my (in)sanity then I only have one response to that:

BRING ON THE CRAZY!

But I find it so awesome that Steve Jobs uses ‘the new whatever‘ in his letter to iphone customers.

I don’t know why, but I like it, although I still won’t can’t buy an iphone yet.  I have over a year left on my contract with Verizon.  I would consider switching back to cingular (ok, at&t, whatever the hell they are calling themselves this month…) because I was never really dissatisfied with their service.  I just liked a particular phone and they were the only carrier who had it.

I like to see what comes of the iphones in the next year.  By the time I’m ready able to switch, I imagine there will be some pretty impressive products to choose from.  A brand new whatever of my very own.

Goodbye August!  Goodbye to the heat from hell already.  Be gone.  Enough with the threat of rolling blackouts and with those blackouts the loss of power. The good, sweet power that keeps the air conditioner and the fans running so that we have some semblance of a temperature that is tolerable.

A few nights ago I caught a few minutes of the weather report, where they exclaimed about how hot it was all over the county. At one point I looked at the television and said, “Who are you telling? You think we don’t know it’s hot?” Which is just to say that when it gets hot like this the tempers also rise. Hot and miserable - not just a saying. The newscaster then raised her eyebrow and mentioned how this is pretty remarkable, especially considering that September and October are typically the hottest months in San Diego. She says with a cheerful smile, “So, it’s ooonly going to continue to get even warmer here.”

At that point I flung the remote at the screen in total disgust. Because that is just a big lie. I admit that the heat might be making me a bit irritable, but come on. AUGUST is the hottest month, and how dare that stupid weather woman try to warn otherwise?

The freaking nerve of her.

I felt a bit of a chill in the air this morning as I walked out to the garage.  Also, I wore a dress today.  Perhaps the chill in the air wasn’t so much because August (the actual hottest month!) is over, but rather that hell is actually snowed in and frozen over.