Subtle Glow

my stubborn will, is learning to bend...

Former Employer Hell - Part I

Filed under: Sorta Daily, former employer — Lily at 5:40 am on Wednesday, January 4, 2006

I suppose now that I don’t work there, and can’t be fired for blogging about working there, I just wanted to take one last quick look at my former employer.

You might know of this place, you may have heard the name before.
Working for that company was like… well, like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Let’s break it down by division, and then by the cast of characters within the division.

Part I - The Controller
I’ll start with Finance, which was my “home” while I worked for the “family” organization. The Controller is the embodiment of narcissism itself. She happily surfs the internet all day, oblivious and clueless to how to do any of the actual work within the department. Ever one to take glory that is not owed to her nor ever earned by her by any measure, she will sooner turn over her staff to her boss should her blissful little bubble of self-important dating site perusal is ever threatened. She likes to bully those who work for her, using personal remarks of ridicule and degredation in meetings with other divisions as one of her favorite tactics. The higher ranking the other members of the meeting - the more elevated she feels by putting down others in front of them.

It’s not uncommon for her to share personal, private details of her employee’s work or personal life with her friends at their social gatherings - some of whom also work for the same organization.

She is adamant that she not be involved in the details of anything - particularly anything involving the department for which she is directly responsible. If I hear “high level overview” anymore, I physically cringe. A “high level overview” to her really means: “I don’t have the slightest clue what you’re talking about, but I don’t want anyone else to know so don’t make it obvious by involving details I should know about but have never heard of before and wouln’t know what to do with if I did.”

At one point, her lack of wanting to be involved in the “details” led to a shitstorm of write-ups from the external auditors during their annual audit. What did she do? Admit she was wrong and take the responsibility - since she was the one who gave the final sign-off of her review of the financials prior to the auditors coming in?

Nope. Not a chance. Instead she completely blamed the managers working for her, demoted one and then paraded the damning information about that manager’s “career shift” around her social circles well before any formal announcement had been released about the “organizational changes” she was making. Yes - all her girlfriends knew about it, many of them were co-workers, or colleagues, with the manager that was demoted.

She will openly admit that she won’t allow her employee’s advancement if it threatens her own “dominion” within the company.

When she isn’t roaming the internet looking for a man (any man) that will have her for longer than it takes to get her into bed, she is talking about it or crying into her glass of wine about it. Often times she would call me away from my work to have me sit and listen to her constant bullshit about men she was dating.

She goes to conferences and user group meetings under the guise of a work-related trip and then spends most of her time either shopping, drinking, recovering from her night out drinking, or meeting random conference attendees that she then “shags” and wonders why they never call again. To her that was a successful trip! I have heard her tell people how she as a “great track record” at conferences. This is her way of saying she meets and sleeps with men there. All on the company’s dime!

Stay tuned if you’re interested, the next installment: The _______: aka the one who we’re pretty sure doesn’t ever do any work, is completely incompetent, and super-sized ass-kisser to his boss!

The Exit Interview

Filed under: Sorta Daily, former employer — Lily at 9:16 pm on Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I got an email yesterday from the HR rep wanting to schedule my exit interview on Friday (my last day).  She attached a questionnaire to the tune of about 6 pages or so.  Then she asks if we could schedule the interview for 4 o’clock.

*blink*  *blink*

Uhm, how about No?  It’s kind of the corporate culture here that next to NO meetings are scheduled on Fridays, much less anytime after lunch. 

So I responded back and told her to try for around 11, and that my workday currently ends at 4.  Not to mention (which I think I have already) that this is my LAST DAY.

She requested the meeting be set at 2.

I ignored it for the rest of the afternoon, while I spent the rest of the day correcting the page setup on their stupid questionnaire.  I know I can be anal about that stuff, but seriously?  They put this form out there - I mean is that their official form? 

Just a peek:



                   OUTPROCESSING SURVEY

 

 

I.  Stated Reason for Resignation

                                                                                               Disliked:

 

           Health Reasons                                                       Hours

           Personal Reasons                                Supervisor

           Returning to School                                       Type of Work

           Secured Better Position                              Wages

           Going Into Business For Self                         Working Conditions

           Relocation                                                Promotion

                                                     Opportunities

 

New Employer                                                   

 

                                                                 

 

Location                                                       

 

                                                               

 

Nature of new work                                                  

 

                                                               

 

 

II.  Selection

 

What attracted you to [us]?                                               

 

                                                               

 

 

What kind of work have you been doing for [us]?                

 

                                                               

 

 




See what I mean?  Yes - it really looks like that, with the colums and line breaks all fucked up like that. 
And it goes on from there, like I said, for another 5 pages. 

Anyway, I spent the afternoon reformatting it so I could read the fucking thing, and then I filled out my first draft of it.  You know, the one where it’s all snarky and bitchy and fuck offy. 

For example -
Q: How do you feel about your supervisor?
A:  Indifferent.

Q: Did he or she value your opinion on work-related issues?
A: Only if it matched her own.

I shredded that copy, once it was out of my system.  I’ll still be honest, but it’s never a bad idea to flavor it with a little tact and diplomacy.  One thing my mom always taught me:  DON’T burn your bridges.  You just never know what might happen, or where you might find yourself looking for a favor.

Not. Good.

Filed under: Sorta Daily, stream of conscious, former employer — Lily at 6:43 pm on Friday, July 1, 2005

Dis-ease
The distance rumblings of an explosive blogarrhea entry.  Like I’ve been blogstipated for a week or so and eating spicy food and chugging hard liquor the whole time, and now I just drank a pot of coffee and smoked a pack of cigarettes.  I’m getting an oh so familiar twinging and cramping and OH GOD THE GURGLING indicating something will soon emerge that Can’t Possibly Be Good.

Clearly, it will require alchohol.  And consider yourselves warned.

The thing is, it’s no where near Miller Time.  The other thing is, there’s really no clear and present reason.  I’m just feeling edgy and cranky and like I’m going to fucking lose my goddamn mind pretty soon.  And I don’t know why.

For Example
Yesterday, I was busy reading blogs working when I finally decided, I can’t take this anymore!  Thankfully when I looked at the clock, it was time to leave.  But I specifically remember having these thoughts when I saw the clock:  Hey!  Look, it’s time to go!  and that means my day?  is fucking OVER! Great - all done I can fucking leave now!

Then I had to get on the freeway to pick up the kiddo and it was all ‘fuck fuck fuckety fuck you fucking slow ass do I look like I want to fucking be here all fucking night I fucking hate this freeway.’  The whole 4 miles that I had to drive on the fuckety fuck freeway. 

That was not my first indication that Something Is Indeed Very Wrong (SIIVW), however it was probably the most vocal. heh.

Another indication that SIIVW is the fact that I don’t seem to even want to bother figuring out what it is, why it is, and how to make it stop or go away.  I just don’t fucking care. 

On the Horizon
I am taking vacation next week, and right now, I am happy.  I think I need a break from the routine, and I have promised myself that I will not dread being home with the kiddo, all day, every day.  The key is to stay busy.  I have a little saying that I like to say, in regard to dealing with stress.  “Stay busy, or stay buzzed.”  And really, how can you go wrong with that?

I just have to get through today at work.  I think I got a total of 3 hours of sleep, plus another half hour of cursing at the goddamn fucking annoying alarm clock this morning.  Two thoughts I remember having just before I was fully conscious: 1. “Fuck!  Shut up you stupid clock! Fuck!!”  and 2. “Wow, not even 6am and already dropping the F-bomb.  This is going to be a FABULOUS day.”

Then I found that the cat had puked.  On the carpet.  As usual.  Now, I am fanatical about the carpet.  No seriously.  To the point I think I may have alienated friends as a result.  So, everytime the little bitch cat heaves on the carpet, it just adds another spot that I clean fanatically for a week and then eagle-eye forevermore anytime I walk past it.  There are currently two, now three spots of such esteem.

Thinking
I’m thinking of joining the gym near my house.  Because, well for one, that whole issue of 60 fucking pounds I want to be rid of and what better way to be rid of them than to run them off at the gym?  Another reason is that when things get to this point, I need an outlet for the aggression.  Again - perfect for the gym.  They even have a raquetball court there…  And the gym is offering a deal on memberships, which would make the monthly dues a little more affordable. 

My plan is to take advantage of the one week pass next week so at least I can go to the gym each and and try to work off any frustration/aggression that needs working off.

I’m also thinking I need to do something in regard to how I make my living.  Well, I’ve been doing something but the something so far has not been enough.  And now, it seems the kiddo’s dad is no longer contributing - due to his current leave status.  He claims not to know how his paycheck situation works, and maybe he doesn’t.  Although if it were me I would be hounding the fuck out of the HR department to find out.  Even if he does know - it puts his support contribution at the very bottom of his list of priorities.  He’s currently behind by more than a payment, and has yet to bother to try and make any arrangements for that or any future lapsing as well.

I can’t stand the fact that I have to rely on his contributions in order to make ends meet.  I could dwell on it, but in the end - all I can do is try to work things out so that I don’t depend on it.  Hasn’t happened yet, but I’m hoping it will soon.  The same ’soon’ I’ve been hoping for during the last 5 years of hoping.

But even if I didn’t rely on it - it is still his obligation to contribute.  I’ve tried everything I can think of to get that through to him.  He’s fucking stubborn.  More so than me, even.  And that’s really fucking stubborn.

In the meantime I have to figure out how to juggle things so that we can actually do some shit on our vacation next week, AND still pay rent on time. 

Oh the fun to be had here!!

Conclusion?
I’m just, feeling all sorts of Blah, and Eh. I’m really tired of dealing with fuckwits, and their fuckwittage.  I have no tolerance for it now.  NOR did I ever.  In fact I specifically remember deciding on things based on the complete lack of fuckwitting invovled.  Seriously, do not fuckwit me.  Otherwise, I will have to fucking cut you.  Or, at least, just ignore you until I lose the urge to cut you.

And then I think, who am I kidding?  Do I really think that a fucking stairmaster is the answer to all this?

Updated to add
I have been meaning to say this, only not exactly say as much as SCREAM:  “For the millionth fucking time, STOP goddamn talking to be with your fucking face turned AWAY from me because I cannot hear what the fuck you are saying and if you absolutely MUST talk to me don’t be so motherfucking lazy just turn your goddamn chair around and talk to ME and not to your fucking computer screen!!!!  Because I am sick and fucking tired of fucking asking you what the fuck you just said because you are mumbling in the other goddamn direction AGAIN.  And STOP FUCKING CALLING ME ____ BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS AND THAT IS NOT MY NAME!!!!!!  FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID!”

I got an email the other day

Filed under: Sorta Daily, former employer — Lily at 6:24 pm on Tuesday, May 3, 2005

It was an invite to attend a special 401k meeting.  There would be representatives and plan administrators there to “help answer any questions” I might have with regard to my 401k contribution.

I’m going to go ahead and assume this is a “voluntary” meeting.  And I’m going to go ahead and voluntarily decline to go.

Here’s the thing.

I worked in payroll for over two years.  I was there when they switched from one plan administrator to the current one.  Before that switch, you (the employee) didn’t have a choice of where your investments were kept with regard to the 401k savings.  The Executives decided and they put the money where they felt it would give the most return with a moderate to lesser risk factor.

I was there when they changed the way the matching funds were handled.  You used to get a flat percentage regardless of your contribution percent.  So if you were participating at all, you got the full % of matching funds.  They do it a little differently now, and I would explain it but really I’m sure you can guess how it works - and it’s not the point anyway.

I’m well-versed in how the plan works.  I can even help explain to you when and how much you are entitled to with regard to current or prior year match, vesting, and what threshholds will either automatically disburse, roll into an IRA, or maintain plan balances upon your exit from the company.  I don’t need some asshole there to “answer my questions.”

Whoa!  You may be wondering:  ‘What’s with all the hostility?’  I’ll tell you.

What it comes down to is this:  My company is not happy with my contribution percentage to their 401k plan.  They want me to increase it.  They seem to think that if I just understood what a benefit it was to get all that matching money, and if I just took a little time to educate myself on the benefits of compounded contributions over time - well then I would realize how silly I am for not contributing more!

#1.  Don’t insult my intelligence.  I fucking get it, ok?  In fact I think I told you that last year when you sent out that survey asking me questions like: “Do you know what ‘Matching Employer Contributions’ means?”  I believe my exact response to your survey was this:  “It’s MY money and if I don’t want to invest it right now, leave me the fuck alone about it, that’s MY business.”  Ok, I might have left out the word ‘fuck’ but other than that it’s verbatim.  And don’t think I didn’t edit that out on the form, either.  Also - don’t think I didn’t know your survey, while paraded as anonymous, really wasn’t.

#2.  I actually have a question for you:  When you refer to the Employer Match as “Free Money” do you mean I don’t have to do anything in order to receive it?  Because that is what “Free” implies.  OH??  What’s that you say?  Oh, I see - I have to invest my dollars and then you’ll match those dollars, for free.  Right.  Does it register with you that maybe, I don’t know, just maybe I need the dollars to actually hit my bank account instead?  I need that money in my bank so I can do such frivolous things like:

-Provide for a family on a single income
-Buy groceries
-Keep the lights on
-Heat/Cool the house
-Buy gas at the astronomical prices these days, allowing me to then drive to work and earn another paycheck that I can then use to turn around and do all the above all over again

I know it sounds crazy… but believe it or not that is my life.

#3.  Let me just say it again in case you didn’t get it the first time:  It’s MY money that I have already earned, and therefore it’s MY business what I do with it.  If you want to go ahead and pay my bills and keep me sheltered and my child fed and clothed and the rest of it - you know what?  You would be more than welcome to siphon off as much as you thought was necessary for my retirement savings.  Until then - keep your nose out of my personal financial affairs.  It’s NOT. YOUR. CONCERN.

#4.  Look.  I just turned 30.  I have at LEAST another 40 years before I can think about retiring.  Just long enough for fucksticks like GWB to come along and REALLY screw social security all to hell.  I already know the responsibility for my retirement will rely on ME.  Did I mention I have 40 YEARS to save? 

So yes, I’m offended that the approach is that I am ignorant, and need an education on retirement savings.  Because that’s obviously the only reason someone would pass up a deal like this!  Right?!  Ok, so here’s where I would normally sum up with a smile and a “Thanks but No Thanks for your concern.”

Except, not so much on the Thanks.  I think I’ve said what I had to say, other than to say this:  Don’t call me - I’ll call you, if and when I decide I need to speak with you.

Cruel Injustice

Filed under: Sorta Daily, former employer — Lily at 6:17 pm on Wednesday, April 13, 2005

“Hello, I am calling to clarify your request for information.  You would like me to tell you how much of A’s assets are allocated to the space at location B, is that correct?”

“Well, no.  Actually - I need to identify how much of A’s assets are allocated to the space at location B.”




Yeah, except that is what I JUST. EFFING. SAID.  I’ll go ahead and venture the guess that your salary is three times higher than mine.  ISN’T IT?!  This is so ridiculous.  How does such an idiot get to be so high up on the ladder?  Meanwhile the actual talent in a company is stuck under the thumb of higher-ups who can never get enough of themselves.

Can someone tell me WHEN, exactly, did my life become a goddamn Dilbert cartoon?

Apparently I have some TPS reports to do.

A couple thoughts about work

Filed under: Sorta Daily, memories, former employer — Lily at 5:51 pm on Saturday, March 12, 2005

If it hadn’t been for Dooce, and the circumstances that surround the term “dooced,” I would have a hell of a lot more crap to put on this blog. But in the interest of keeping my job, and my good standing and all that, I try to keep the work bashing to a few good euphemisms and call it a day.

Today’s entry is no different. It does have a bit to do with work, but the point is more about me as a person rather than my job.

Maybe it’s unrealistic, but I really want to have a job that I can feel like I make a worthwhile contribution. At the end of the day, I don’t want to think “Well, that was total bullshit.” Seriously, if you have a 40-hour a week job (or more etc whatever including SAHM b/c we know it’s the most work for the least buck EVAH) you really don’t want to finish the day and think that you wasted that much of your life for total bullshit, right? Ok let’s go with that.

After a year or more of bouncing around with little to no direction, I finally found my way back to that groove.

Honestly, I work in the accounting department of my company, and I deal with all the technical software crap that no one else in accounting wants to deal with. And I like it. Not to mention that I’m damn good at it. I know it and so does my boss. I know far more detail than she’d ever care to know about how the system works and how it can accomodate the needs of the department, not to mention the interfacing with the other departments.

I have one small point that I feel is important here. It’s probably something I really should address with my boss, but until I find the way to do that with just the right amount of tact and diplomacy, I have to mention it here.

The small point is this (directed at my boss): When there is a division of the company that wants input from our department on system design… please do not volunteer YOURSELF to be on the team. Learn to let go a bit and give that responsibility to ME. Between your direction on what you’d like to see, and my knowledge of how the system functions, I really am the person more suited for filling that spot in the meeting. I promise.

Also - I mean, while we’re on the subject - please stop referring to me and including me in the description that identifies my OLD position. You know - the one that I used to fill before I went and proposed my NEW position, which you accepted, and took on those responsibilities. Yes, I still fill some of that role, but please remember it’s really a favor to you until one of your managers can replace that position. Just so you know - I HATE that you still refer to me as part of that team. Because my contribution to that team is bullshit. I don’t know if you know, but I am basically plugging numbers into spreadsheets for them. That’s all.

Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. I’ll totally bring it up in our next individual weekly meeting. Because I’m not one to just keep it to myself and stew over it until I go nuts. It might seem like a small thing to you, but I’m telling you - the proof is in the pudding. Which means I’m all about the details. See - that’s why there is that little word “ANAL” right there in my title. My title of SYSTEMS ANALYST.

Not Staff Accountant. I’m just saying.

Relief…

Filed under: Sorta Daily, former employer — Lily at 9:37 pm on Thursday, September 16, 2004

So, I have been having a hissy fit all week due to a little work issue. I finally got it worked out this afternoon, and am much relieved as a result.

A few months ago, The Boss approved me to be set up to work at home occasionally. Fast forward to last Friday when I sent an email requesting to work from home due to childcare issues.

To which I received a reply basically stating this was not something that The Boss was comfortable with.

My first reaction was “Uhhhhh, WTF?! Why was I approved to have this set up if I’m not allowed to use it?” followed by: “Awww, crap! Now what am I gonna do?” *sigh* Life just isn’t always sweet and easy, in case you didn’t know.

I let it alone through the weekend, and then this whole week. I figured if push came to shove I would just stay home, and go unpaid for the day. Meanwhile, fighting off minor panic attacks about how many more days I will have to go unpaid for this kind of situation. Which is then followed by irritation, knowing it’s perfectly ridiculous to be at home, unpaid, when I could in fact be at home, working, and getting paid for it.

We met this afternoon and basically The Boss is worried about “setting a precedent. Hmmm, ok. “I understand what you are saying, I really do. On the other hand, in cases like this I would really appreciate any flexibility you might be willing to give. I work hard to cover all the bases, which is what I thought I was doing when I asked to be set up to work from home. It was my understanding that it would be an option for me.”

The Boss ok’d it for “this time” and then said we’ll just take it one at a time. That’s a start. The start of a lot of frigging anxiety for me if you really want to know